Beating Eggs into Submission Christian Grey Style in The Red Room of Pain. Pain Meaning the French Word for Bread, Obviously.

Well, things have been hectic lately and while I have been posting to the Facebook page, I hate that I don't have computer access to post on the blog more often. I start my new job on Monday so fingers crossed that this will be taken care of soon.

On another note, I've been reading more. Since I'm all about literacy and grammar, I figured I should get back into doing that. This week I put aside a Mitch Albom book to delve into the world of Mommy porn. Yes, that's right- I'm reading "Fifty Shades of Grey." This book mostly makes me sad. It has nothing to do with the material and a lot to do with the fact that women think this is cutting edge. Maybe my generation is just over sexed or I'm some sort of harlot, but I thought everyone was familiar with this kind of stuff. Ha! Vanillas. This book is a lot less BDSM and a lot more internet geek that watched way too much "Secretary." All in all, if you found this book and it's sex scenes to be shocking, never read a Brett Easton Ellis book. You will die of a heart attack. In "American Psycho" for instance there are sex scenes involving severed heads, starving rats and pieces of cheese. It's nothing for the faint of heart, that's for sure.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm actually enjoying "50 Shades," but for the plot, not for the horribly written sex scenes. I did, however, laugh and have to read aloud the part where Christian licks her belly button and "elongates" her nipples. Elongates? Like silly putty? Like he's going to start swinging them around while a midget comes out from under the bed and double dutches with him? Awkward.

Speaking of midgets- Asians are usually very short. Yeah, that really doesn't fit into what I'm talking about, but I'm really not sure how to segue from talking about the book to talking about the amazingly delicious Wonton Cupcakes that I made. Yes, I'm still obsessed with turning things into cupcakes. It's a delicious obsession really. This recipe takes a wonton and tops it with sour cream and teriyaki sauce.

Wonton Cupcakes                        makes about a dozen 1/2

                  

• 16 oz pack of Nasoya Egg Roll Wrappers
• 16 oz bag of coleslaw mix
• 2 lbs ground pork or chicken
• 1 large onion, diced
• 2 tsp ground ginger
• 1 tsp black pepper
• 1 tsp sugar
• 1/4 c Oyster Sauce
• 1/4 c Soy Sauce

Preheat oven to 375*F
Brown chicken or pork in a large skillet with onion, pepper and ginger.

Remove from heat and transfer to a large bowl.

Add in package of coleslaw mix.

Stir in sugar, soy sauce and oyster sauce.
Place one sheet of  wonton in each compartment of a non stick or greased muffin tin.
Put about a TBS of filling on top of wonton and cover it with another sheet, being sure to tuck the sheet in.
Bake for about 20 minutes or until golden brown and hardened.
Top with a dollop of "frosting," green onions and serve with fried rice.

Wonton Cupcake Frosting 

• 1 C sour cream
• 2 tsp teriyaki sauce 
• 1 tsp soy sauce  

 Mix together and serve dollop on top of each wonton cupcake.

My Von Trapp-like Escape from the Evil Baking Nazis and How I Lived to Share a Biscotti Recipe with the World

I don't have my camera with me today so the picture I'm providing for this week's recipe is from my Blackberry camera and is of horrible quality. Then again, who really reads this blog anyway? Most of our fans are on Facebook. Ha!

I've mentioned before that I absolutely hate baking. I do. It's too technical. I like things that you can add your own flair too and baking is just not one of those things. That being said, I'm addicted to making biscotti. I tried selling my biscotti (because it really is that good) but I live in a place where when I mentioned biscotti I got a "WTF is that?" kind of reaction to it. Also, I was banned from a Facebook baking group where people sold baked goods because they thought I was being racist on my page when I was making fun of my family's Mexicaness. Yeah, yeah, Zieg Hiel, baker Nazis.

No, I'm not bitter at all. I mean, a place where people are too lazy to make banana pudding with meringue instead of whipped cream is a place far too inferior for me and any of my lovelies. Right? Off topic, but while we're talking about toppings on desserts, can we please do something about fondant? It's gross and pretty inedible. It tastes like sugary dough. If you must mold something, use marzipan. It's so much better, you guys.

I really don't have much time to make a long post today since I am only borrowing the computer and my grandma needs help checking her email, my boyfriend needs to check his Facebook and my cousin needs to online game, so I'm going to just jump ahead and post the delicious Lemon-Almond Biscotti recipe. For those that don't know what biscotti is, it's a hard twice baked cookie used for dipping in coffee, tea, hot chocolate and even a nice dessert wine. Enjoy!

Lemon-Almond Biscotti

1/3 cup margarine (butter softened)

2/3 cup granulated sugar

2 tbsps lemon rind (grated fresh)

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/8 tsp salt

2 large eggs

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 cup slivered almond 

Preheat oven to 375*F.

Beat butter until light and fluffy.

Mix in all ingredients to butter except for flour and almonds.

Slowly stir in flour to mixture.

Add in almonds.

Roll into 9 inch logs.

Flatten slightly so that they look like loaves.

Bake for 20 minutes on nonstick baking sheet.

Remove from oven and cool for EXACTLY 1 hour. No exceptions.

After 1 hour, take a serrated knife and diagonally slice into 1/2 inch thick slices.

Place cut slice down on baking sheet and place bake in 375* oven for 8 minutes.

Flip slices over and bake for another 8-10 minutes.

Once cooled dip in lemon icing.

Lemon Icing

1 tsp lemon rind

1 C confectioner's sugar

2 TBS milk

Mix all together. Add more milk for a thinner glaze or more sugar for a thicker glaze.