Luuuucyyyy, You Got Some 'Splaning to Do...

I really hate to keep bringing this up so this is my last mention of it EVER. Pinky promise. I just feel like I owe an explanation to you guys because you're pretty awesome and things have been pretty confusing.

About a week or two ago I asked a food page to share one of my recipes. The woman fell in love with our page and said she would share it on her page as well as on the other page she admins, Mamas Uncensored. I thanked her and my likes increased 
by 10 fold. I was, and still am, very grateful. There was no begging. There was no pleading.

Flash forward to about three days ago. I was on a page called Self Proclaimed Bitches. The admin was very loud and annoying. She posted about it being okay that people have fancy cars and are on welfare. I commented with "I'm unliking this page." Butthurt ensued and she told me to "Suck a nut.' I replied with "Maybe if you sucked a nut and charged, you wouldn't need to be on welfare." Childish, I know. It was in the heat of the moment. Well, a slew of slores jumped in and one thing lead to another and I called someone's adult daughter a whore. They lost their shit. No joke. It turned into a battlefield and the other side shared one brain cell. I was entertained.

And then it happened.

Apparently, the admin for that page was also the admin of the other page that shared me. So what did she do? She shared my page and called for a raid of our page. LOL! By raid I mean a bunch of vag owners came in and said things like "You just jelus I married and you unwed house hoe." or "You're food looks like poop." This was also accompanied by a lot of other insults that sounded a lot like "unnnngh mleh bleeeeeeeeee."

Needless to say, it brought some big time lols. In case you guys aren't aware, a large majority of the page has retired "trolls." We used to go around the internets having fun and making people laugh. Back before trolling was lame and pretty much the equivalent of spitting out foam and expecting people to like it. 

Also, they started reporting our page because they were that butthurt.

Also, everything backfired, it's brought the page closer together and it's given us some new fans that were tired of the other page's whining and lameness.

So here are some facts, just to clarify:

• Despite, what you've heard, I am not John Goodman in a dress.

• I am nowhere near a goodie, goodie. I curse, drink, party and I can be quite cunty. I just don't see a point in being trashy. I am educated and I enjoy not being a complete fuckwad. I don't think I'm above anyone, I just like to conduct myself in a certain way. There's always a time and a place. I know how to act in public. Seriously though, I'm not going to sit there and let someone take blows at me. Just because I can hit harder, does not mean that I'm the bad guy. I just think they aren't used to smart people. I get that.

• Unwed housewife is just a page name. It is what describes my current situation. I've been with my bf for 4 years. We're very much in love. We have a very traditional husband/wife relationship, but we are not married. It explains a lot of modern relationships. 

•  The woman who's daughter I called a whore first started by insulting me. I only served her dish back to her on a silver platter and apparently it was too hard to swallow. She threatened to shank me. I asked if she learned that from her daughter's pimp.

• I don't report people. I did block the raiders, but I never reported an admin or a page.

• I would never call a child a whore. Really. WTF

• Last but not least: Coq Au Vin is chicken soaked and cooked in wine. It's purple. If your poop is purple, seek medical help immediately.

And DONE! Let's go on with the page and share some damn recipes! 

Why hello there. I've been expecting you.

This little tiny blog has exploded from 240 followers to over 2.5 thousand and I really want to take this time to thank you. You are all amazing and you make my heart happy. There's just oooooone little thing. I think I need to explain the blog and Facebook page.

I'm a 26 yr old tattooed, pierced, pink haired foodie. I live with my boyfriend of four years. I'm very traditional but modern at the same time and I love to cook. A lot.  It's gotten to the point where we hardly ever go to restaurants because I would rather cook at home. My other passion is writing. I'm a few courses away from a Journalism degree. Finances got in the way. Life happens. It's fine. Put those together and have you got? Bibbity Bobbity Boo This blog!

That's ME! In a bathroom. Not using it. Just making fishy faces.  That's normal, right?

Welcome. Take a seat. Try the cookies.

Now that my little bio is out of the way, I feel that it's important that i stress that this is also a humor blog. Nothing is supposed to be taken too seriously. I make fun of cheflebrities, shows, networks and life in general. I have the sense of humor of a 15 yr old boy sometimes and a sad internet addiction so expect sarcasm, cursing and memes. You can also expect awesome recipes.

So far I've only seen a few comments from people that thought this was going to be some sort of ode to Martha Stewart. The hell, guys? Seriously? No.

One thought that I was racist for supporting Paula Deen and being from Texas and another was mad because I was rude and called Sandra Dee a lush. Guys? Seriously. WTF, guys? I will post a few green smoothie recipes at a later date to help loosen that constipation.

I definitely encourage sharing recipes. I will post. Revised versions of my own recipes are definitely encouraged. The fresher, the better. I love budget meals that use fresh ingredients. I have a pretty strong aversion to pre-made stuff, but I do sometimes have makeover recipes for those kind of meals. Need help with a recipe? Ask me. I'll give pointers and post that other members can give their advice as well.

Other than that, the main rule is HAVE FUN! Post. Share. Like. Comment. Invite.

And now a recipe for what I made last night. My cheapy version of Chicken Marsala.

                        Chicken Marsala                   Feeds 2

2 boneless skinless chicken breasts, pounded or butterflied

2 C fresh sliced mushroom

1 medium yellow onion, sliced

1 C white wine (traditionally masala, but I used Pinot. Use whatever is on sale)

2 TBS cream cheese

salt, pepper, garlic to taste

1 tsp butter

2 TBS olive oil

Season chicken with s,p and g.

Heat olive oil in a large skillet and brown chicken on both sides. Do not scrub pan. See that brown goodness? That's flavor gold!

Place chicken in oven preheated to 350F until fully cooked.

Meanwhile, in the same pan, add butter and saute onion until almost soft.

Add in mushrooms and continue to saute until both onions and mushrooms are soft.
Stir in cream cheese until melted,

Add white wine and let boil.

Remove from heat. 

Serve sauce over chicken breast and brown rice.

Drink the rest of the wine. You deserve it.

Watch as people are amazed at how freakin' gourmet you are.