Wearing Makeup Does Not Make Me Insecure

I recently read an article on Refinery29 about a blogger that has been harassed for not wearing makeup. She has been called ugly, told she'd look better if she wore makeup and just plain bullied. She stood up today to tell people that not wearing makeup does not make her ugly. Good for her! I honestly find it refreshing that she's willing to come out and stand up for her own personal choices.

I, however, am on the other end of the spectrum. I have an affinity for makeup. Nothing makes me happier than discovering a new product. I live for taking home that little $15 box from MAC and pulling out a fresh tube of Ruby Woo matte retro red lipstick every few months. I love when my grandma talks to me about how her mother used to use the same loose powder that I do. I wake up two hours earlier just so I can take my time doing my makeup pretty much daily. I've perfected both the cat eye and the smokey eye. I can wing my gel liner like an absolute pro. I LOVE makeup.

Sadly, I've received a lot of backlash over the years. The comments have varied but all are equally ignorant. A person once told me that I looked like a French whore. Of course, I took that and ran with it and now my friends call me that all of the time, but still. Another man told me that I look like a clown. A few people have said that my signature red lip is gross because red is the color of period blood and I must have sucked on my own tampon. That one was pretty out there. Notice that I said a few. Yes, more than one person on different occasions told me that little gem.

Those are all so ridiculous that it's funny though. What really bothers me are the serious comments. Comments that are out of pure ignorance and meant to try and "raise me up." I get told that I am so pretty and I don't need all of that gunk on my face. I've been told that I shouldn't feel the need to impress anyone. I'm obviously high maintenance and that's unattractive. My favorite is when I'm told that I lack self confidence and should be comfortable in my own skin.

All of those comments are such bull shit. Pure, stinky, fly infested bull shit. Ask anyone that knows me and they'll tell you that I'm the most confident person they've ever met. I'm not overly confident, but I love everything about myself. My freckles, my mole on my forehead that makes me stand out, my mild case of Rosacea that gives me naturally pink cheeks, my boobs, my butt, my curves, my hair. All of it. All 5'9 and 285 lbs of it. I am unabashedly honest with myself and I know every inch of myself. I'm not going on a body positive rant, which I could go on and on about, but this is who I am. Why spend my time hating myself? That being said, my love of makeup has nothing to do whatsoever with my confidence. I feel just as confident in a t shirt and boxer pants curled up on the couch marathoning a show with my fiance than I do in a curve hugging outfit that shows off my tattoos, victory rolls in my hair and retro glam makeup on. It's not a confidence thing.

I'm so far from high maintenance it's ridiculous. My makeup is primarily E.L.F which is so cheap but so good, Maybelline and Rimmel with as few more high end pieces by Sephora and MAC thrown in and my Coty Airspun Loose Powder. All in all my makeup collection is all under $70 and it lasts me forever. Literally. MAC is highly pigmented and I buy one lipstick every 6 months at the most. My eyeliner, powder and foundation last about three months and as far as eye shadows I have a few pallets that I've had for a couple of years with a few untouched. I do my own eyelashes, my own hair coloring and cutting and I do my own nails. My entire beauty regimen for a year costs about $200 if you include hair products and dye. If I were high maintenance that is roughly how much one Brazilian blowout would cost. No makeup included.

So why do I wear makeup? Because it's an art. Life is art. Every thing around us is art. my face is a canvas and my makeup is my paint. If I want to look like an old Hollywood beauty, I can. If I want to look like a wood nymph, I can. If I want to look goth or punk for a day I can and I have. Maybe I get a wild hair and want something Kardashian inspired because let's face it, they are annoying as hell but they have the best makeup looks, I fucking can. Before someone out there says that this makes me fake and I'm not being myself, please chew on your words for a little while. This IS who I am. I'm not wearing a mask. I'm not changing who I am. It's inspired art.

This in no way mean that I'm better than or lesser than a woman choosing to go bare faced. This is just my choice. The same way that the woman from the article above asked that her decision be respected and that the hatred towards her choice not to wear makeup stop, I'm asking that you think before spewing hatred towards those that choose to wear makeup. We are all special and beautiful in our own ways. Being hateful is not beautiful in anyway. I am not my makeup. I am not lacking in self confidence. I am not fake and I certainly don't use menstrual blood as a cosmetic. I am, however, creative. I am beautiful. I am confident. I am loyal. I am funny. I am honest. These are all traits more important than my choice to wear makeup.

I'm Still Crafting My Pants

This isn't a blog post really. Just more shameless self promotion. Buy, share, pin and love. To order, contact me on the page Facebook or email me at Clairecavazos@yahoo.com. I accept Paypal.

Hand Sculpted Wizard of Oz Wicked Witch Ruby Red Slippers Bookmark- $8

Mark your spot in your favorite book using this cute bookmark printed with "Don't make me drop a house on you" with attached witch legs that peek out from underneath. Hand sculpted and painted legs with red glitter slippers and printed bookmark on recycled cardboard.

- Approximately 6 x 1 inches
- natural earth air dry clay
- hand painted with acrylics
- recycled cardboard backing
-red glitter shoes sealed with acrylic sealer

La Dama Mexican Folk art Jewelry box- $15
Box is approx. 2.5 x 4 inches acrylic on paper mâché with felt lining.

Distressed doll head planter - $30
Waterproofed, hand sculpted from natural clay then hand painted with acrylics and sealed. 

 Mexican Loteria Folk Art Heart Paper Weight -$10  Acrylics on pine with felt backing. 

Alacran (Scorpion) Mexican Loteria Folk Art Paper Weight- $10 Acrylic on pine with felt backing. 

I Craft My Pants

You've probably noticed something different about the page. My absence for one. Lol! Just kidding. You're probably used to that by now. One thing that's different is wedding talk. Wedding? That's right, lovelies! The Unwed Husband finally decided to make an honest woman out of me. He proposed in the first hour of New Year's Day. We had a family get together. His original plan was that he'd propose 13 seconds (13 is my favorite number) until midnight, but I was way too frazzled so he waited. There I was, everyone had left and I served myself a heaping plate of BBQ and took a breather while complaining to him and watching a "Happy Endings" marathon on VH1. He told me, I noticed you were really stressed. It sucks because I didn't get to do what I wanted to do. Me, being unsuspecting forked more fajita into my mouth and asked him, "what did you wanna do?" He then got down on one knee looked at me and brought out a ring. I panicked and started yelling "OMG! OMG!" then proceeded to hand him my plate out of shock." Thankfully, he took it and put the ring on my finger. And now I'm an almost not Unwed Housewife.

Another thing you've probably noticed is my extra long absence. It's been longer than usual. Here's where the not so happy news comes in. I will always be candid about myself. I will also always be extremely open about mental health because I feel like it has this stigma surrounding it that needs to be broken down. I've been going through a large bought of depression and crippling panic attacks. Both are so bad that I'm in physical pain. I went to see someone professionally and was diagnosed with Bipolar II. I can finally say that I'm certifiably insane. Ha! Okay, not that funny, but humor is my coping mechanism. I'm controlling everything with meds right now, but I'm still dealing with some inner demons. Apparently, bipolar is the new chic illness to have so I'm pretty lucky that I'm "in" this season. It's okay. You can be jealous.

Now for the final thing I'm sure you've noticed. I'm whoring out my crafting skills, or at least attempting to. I'm failing pretty badly at it actually. See, I'm in a bit of a financial rut and I'm hoping to use my skills to make a side living. That being said, please look at the stuff below. There's something for everyone and it's all hand painted or sculpted and painted by me. I take Paypal and will ship to you. Shipping is included in the fee. Look around, share, pin, tell your friends and help me out. Here's a look at the cool coasters I've hand painted.

 To order, contact me on the page Facebook or email me at Clairecavazos@yahoo.com. I accept Paypal.

                                               Hand Painted Mexican Folk Art Loteria Coasters, set of 4- $25

The perfect splash of color to your decor. Colorful Mexican folk art coasters are sure to be a conversation starter. The Mexican bingo (Loteria) cards invoke a feeling of fun and will have you screaming "LOTERIA!" Also a great way to learn new words in Spanish.
Hand painted to match the background of the Loteria card on ceramic tile. Each vibrant piece of art is sealed to make it waterproof and backed with cork to make it more durable and scratch resistant on your coffee table.
- 4.25 x 4.25 inch dimensions
- wipe clean with damp cloth. Do not submerge in water
- do not microwave
- each set consists of 4
- hand painted with acrylics on ceramic tile and sealed
- recycled cork backing

Hand Painted RuPaul's Drag Race Coasters, set of 4- $25

Have the ultimate RPDR viewing party while creating your own Interior Illusions Lounge with these hand painted coasters to protect your table from your Absolute cocktail. Each features a different girl; Sharon, Jinkx, Bianca and Ben de la Creme.
Hand painted on ceramic tile. Each vibrant piece of art is sealed to make it waterproof and backed with felt to make it more durable and scratch resistant on your coffee table.

- 4.25 x 4.25 inch dimensions
- wipe clean with damp cloth. Do not submerge in water
- do not microwave
- each set consists of 4
- hand painted with acrylics on ceramic tile and sealed
- felt backing

Hand Painted Classic Horror Movie Poster Coasters, Set of 4- $25

Terrifyingly awesome classic horror themed coasters meant to send a chill down your spine while saving your table from the chill of your glass. Makes the perfect gift for any horror aficionado. Hand painted to coordinate with picture on ceramic tile. Each vibrant piece of art is sealed to make it waterproof and backed with felt to make it more durable and scratch resistant on your coffee table.
- 4.25 x 4.25 inch dimensions
- wipe clean with damp cloth. Do not submerge in water
- do not microwave
- each set consists of 4
- hand painted with acrylics on ceramic tile and sealed
- felt backing

Hand Painted Plus Size Pin Up Hilda Coasters set of 4- $25

Adorable Hilda, the plus sized pin up coasters will bring joy to any tea or coffee time. Each set contains 4 coasters with different scenes. Eachs are hand painted pastel colors to look vintage on ceramic tile. Each vibrant piece of art is sealed to make it waterproof and backed with cork to make it more durable and scratch resistant on your coffee table.
- 4.25 x 4.25 inch dimensions
- wipe clean with damp cloth. Do not submerge in water
- do not microwave
- each set consists of 4
- hand painted with acrylics on ceramic tile and sealed
- recycled cork backing

Luuuucyyyy, You Got Some 'Splaning to Do...

I really hate to keep bringing this up so this is my last mention of it EVER. Pinky promise. I just feel like I owe an explanation to you guys because you're pretty awesome and things have been pretty confusing.

About a week or two ago I asked a food page to share one of my recipes. The woman fell in love with our page and said she would share it on her page as well as on the other page she admins, Mamas Uncensored. I thanked her and my likes increased 
by 10 fold. I was, and still am, very grateful. There was no begging. There was no pleading.

Flash forward to about three days ago. I was on a page called Self Proclaimed Bitches. The admin was very loud and annoying. She posted about it being okay that people have fancy cars and are on welfare. I commented with "I'm unliking this page." Butthurt ensued and she told me to "Suck a nut.' I replied with "Maybe if you sucked a nut and charged, you wouldn't need to be on welfare." Childish, I know. It was in the heat of the moment. Well, a slew of slores jumped in and one thing lead to another and I called someone's adult daughter a whore. They lost their shit. No joke. It turned into a battlefield and the other side shared one brain cell. I was entertained.

And then it happened.

Apparently, the admin for that page was also the admin of the other page that shared me. So what did she do? She shared my page and called for a raid of our page. LOL! By raid I mean a bunch of vag owners came in and said things like "You just jelus I married and you unwed house hoe." or "You're food looks like poop." This was also accompanied by a lot of other insults that sounded a lot like "unnnngh mleh bleeeeeeeeee."

Needless to say, it brought some big time lols. In case you guys aren't aware, a large majority of the page has retired "trolls." We used to go around the internets having fun and making people laugh. Back before trolling was lame and pretty much the equivalent of spitting out foam and expecting people to like it. 

Also, they started reporting our page because they were that butthurt.

Also, everything backfired, it's brought the page closer together and it's given us some new fans that were tired of the other page's whining and lameness.

So here are some facts, just to clarify:

• Despite, what you've heard, I am not John Goodman in a dress.

• I am nowhere near a goodie, goodie. I curse, drink, party and I can be quite cunty. I just don't see a point in being trashy. I am educated and I enjoy not being a complete fuckwad. I don't think I'm above anyone, I just like to conduct myself in a certain way. There's always a time and a place. I know how to act in public. Seriously though, I'm not going to sit there and let someone take blows at me. Just because I can hit harder, does not mean that I'm the bad guy. I just think they aren't used to smart people. I get that.

• Unwed housewife is just a page name. It is what describes my current situation. I've been with my bf for 4 years. We're very much in love. We have a very traditional husband/wife relationship, but we are not married. It explains a lot of modern relationships. 

•  The woman who's daughter I called a whore first started by insulting me. I only served her dish back to her on a silver platter and apparently it was too hard to swallow. She threatened to shank me. I asked if she learned that from her daughter's pimp.

• I don't report people. I did block the raiders, but I never reported an admin or a page.

• I would never call a child a whore. Really. WTF

• Last but not least: Coq Au Vin is chicken soaked and cooked in wine. It's purple. If your poop is purple, seek medical help immediately.

And DONE! Let's go on with the page and share some damn recipes! 

Why hello there. I've been expecting you.

This little tiny blog has exploded from 240 followers to over 2.5 thousand and I really want to take this time to thank you. You are all amazing and you make my heart happy. There's just oooooone little thing. I think I need to explain the blog and Facebook page.

I'm a 26 yr old tattooed, pierced, pink haired foodie. I live with my boyfriend of four years. I'm very traditional but modern at the same time and I love to cook. A lot.  It's gotten to the point where we hardly ever go to restaurants because I would rather cook at home. My other passion is writing. I'm a few courses away from a Journalism degree. Finances got in the way. Life happens. It's fine. Put those together and have you got? Bibbity Bobbity Boo This blog!

That's ME! In a bathroom. Not using it. Just making fishy faces.  That's normal, right?

Welcome. Take a seat. Try the cookies.

Now that my little bio is out of the way, I feel that it's important that i stress that this is also a humor blog. Nothing is supposed to be taken too seriously. I make fun of cheflebrities, shows, networks and life in general. I have the sense of humor of a 15 yr old boy sometimes and a sad internet addiction so expect sarcasm, cursing and memes. You can also expect awesome recipes.

So far I've only seen a few comments from people that thought this was going to be some sort of ode to Martha Stewart. The hell, guys? Seriously? No.

One thought that I was racist for supporting Paula Deen and being from Texas and another was mad because I was rude and called Sandra Dee a lush. Guys? Seriously. WTF, guys? I will post a few green smoothie recipes at a later date to help loosen that constipation.

I definitely encourage sharing recipes. I will post. Revised versions of my own recipes are definitely encouraged. The fresher, the better. I love budget meals that use fresh ingredients. I have a pretty strong aversion to pre-made stuff, but I do sometimes have makeover recipes for those kind of meals. Need help with a recipe? Ask me. I'll give pointers and post that other members can give their advice as well.

Other than that, the main rule is HAVE FUN! Post. Share. Like. Comment. Invite.

And now a recipe for what I made last night. My cheapy version of Chicken Marsala.

                        Chicken Marsala                   Feeds 2

2 boneless skinless chicken breasts, pounded or butterflied

2 C fresh sliced mushroom

1 medium yellow onion, sliced

1 C white wine (traditionally masala, but I used Pinot. Use whatever is on sale)

2 TBS cream cheese

salt, pepper, garlic to taste

1 tsp butter

2 TBS olive oil

Season chicken with s,p and g.

Heat olive oil in a large skillet and brown chicken on both sides. Do not scrub pan. See that brown goodness? That's flavor gold!

Place chicken in oven preheated to 350F until fully cooked.

Meanwhile, in the same pan, add butter and saute onion until almost soft.

Add in mushrooms and continue to saute until both onions and mushrooms are soft.
Stir in cream cheese until melted,

Add white wine and let boil.

Remove from heat. 

Serve sauce over chicken breast and brown rice.

Drink the rest of the wine. You deserve it.

Watch as people are amazed at how freakin' gourmet you are.

Paula Deen Riding Racism

I felt that I needed to post a blog regarding this. I am not really that big of a fan of Paula Deen. I love cooking shows, but her cooking is not really my style. I am more of a Cooking Channel girl. Food Network lost me long ago when every other show on their channel was Guy Fieri with his God awful 90s hair and Smash Mouth front man persona. Stop trying to make 90's hair happen. It's not going to happen. No sir. I'll take Nadia G's alterna-gourmet or Alex Guarnacelli over Guy, Rachel Ray's polypy voice and Paula's artery clogging crap ANY DAY. 

That being said, the recent controversy over Paula Deen is complete bs. Let's start out with a few facts. 
1. Paula Deen said the n-word.
2. It was said at a plantation themed wedding almost 30 years ago.
3. The woman suing her is white.
4. Did I mention she said this in 1986?
5. 1986! I wasn't even born. My parents were still honeymooning.

Just let all of that soak in like Dawn soaking into the grease soaked pans that I'm sure are a daily thing around the Deen household.

27 years.

Now Food Network has fired her. The same network that gave Sandra Lee two other shows after she made that ridiculous Kwanzaa cake. Frankly, I found that cake more in poor taste than something Paula said almost 30 years ago. 

The trailer park called, Sandra. Sadly, not even they wanted you back.

Here's my thing. Paula said that she is sorry for having done this 27 years ago and that she isn't like that anymore. There are athletes that have raped and murdered. They are still athletes. Michael Vick murdered dogs for entertainment. He's still a football player. Michael Jackson admitted to sleeping in the same bed with young boys. If you bring this up to anyone, they freak the hell out and tell you to focus on his music not his personal life. Frankly, I think his music sucked about as much as he sucked off litt- okay, off topic. Back on point. I just don't see how rape, murder and child molestation (even if just alleged) is less of an offense than saying a horrible word 30 years ago. It wasn't until recently that I stopped saying "you're so gay" or "man, that's retarded." It was part if the vernacular in the 90s and early 2000s. We evolve. We are constantly learning. I'd never do that today. 

I'm not condoning her actions, but isn't it a bit odd to bring up her language from almost 30 years ago? It sounds like someone is trying to cash in on her royalties. Either way, it really doesn't effect me. I never really watched her show too much. I am just not a fan of how politically correct people have become. Had this happened recently, I'd be livid, but 27 years ago? Come on.

Now, on to more important things. We need to stop Ina Garten. Just stop her. She's a horrible individual. She wouldn't even let a kid with cancer cook with her. She makes me want to slap babies and drown puppies. Also, my Coq Au Vin is 10x better than hers and I'm only a semi-fem douche. 

She even pops her collar like a douche. No wonder Jeffrey is never home.

I Believe I Can (stir) Fry

It finally happened. The Unwed Husband and I finally moved into our own place. It was an extremely long process. We started off in our own place in my hometown in Texas, moved to Idaho, came back a year later and worked our way back to the top. Now we're here and it's been awesome. It seems that I started my culinary ventures backwards though. For the past two or three years I've been cooking for families. Now I'm finding it hard to cook portions for two people. All that means is leftovers though. Nobody is really complaining. 

That being said it's time for me to get back into what I was trying to do in the beginning. I really need to keep this blog up and running. It's pretty ridiculous that I've left it abandoned. That's not cool at all. Maybe, if I had more comments and shares, (old school MySpace like-whore say what? JOIN MY LIKE TRAIN EL OH EL!) I'd have an incentive to write more. Ahem.. 

Just kidding, lovelies. It's honestly 100% my fault. I've been busy and lazy and sometimes I honestly just forgot. My apologies.

Now it's that part of the blog post after the apology where I act like a parent that neglects their children and I lavish you with gifts in the form of culinary knowledge. Usually these gifts include either chocolatey pieces of Heaven or cheesy comfort foods that will put you in a euphoric haze that will make you forget alllll about how crappy I am at keeping up with the whole blogging thing. Well, not this time. See, lately I've been on a bit of a health kick and my meals have become a lot healthier. So, this time, I'm going to act like a real parent and I'm serving you veggies and healthy protein with seafood. An Asian fusion, and you're going to like it, or else I promise. 

The dish I'm going to provide you with is inspired by local Chinese buffets. (Buffet? Healthy? Yeah. I know. Shut it. Nobody asked you.) I've lived in various places all over America and I've only found this in my hometown. I'm sure it has to do with the strong Latin American influences and the access to fresh shrimp daily. I really don't know. All I know is that it's freakin' delicious and I've mastered the art of making it. Right down to the shredded Iceberg Lettuce. Yes, Iceberg Lettuce. I have tried Bok Choy, regular cabbage and even endive. It calls for wilted Iceberg. Don't judge until you've tried it. And now, here is the moment you've all been waiting for, especially you, Evalinda.

Drum roll please... padadadadadadadadada

Jalapeno Chicken and Shrimp

                                    serves: 4

2 carrots sliced

2 chicken breasts chopped into 1/2 in pieces

1 lb raw shrimp, shelled and deveined

1 jalapeno, sliced

1 onion, chopped in large pieces for texture

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 tsp salt

1 tsp pepper

2 tbs oil

1 C shredded iceberg lettuce

Heat oil in wok or large pan.

Once hot, add in carrots, onion and garlic. Cook until onion is almost translucent.

Add in chicken, jalapeno and all seasonings. Stir continuously and cook until chicken is no longer raw.

Add in shrimp, continuing to stir until shrimp is completely opaque (about 2-3 minutes) and be careful not to over cook it.

Remove from heat and stir in iceberg lettuce. Cover and let the lettuce wilt.

Serve over steamed white or Basmati rice.