You Can Take Your Hamburger Philanthropist Hand and Shove It: Day 3 of Leftover Makeovers

I know, I skipped a day. In my defense, I came home from work, ate and passed out. I was so cranky and mean yesterday too. I forgot what getting over 5 hours of sleep was like. I feel great today.On the bright side this means that I will be posting until Saturday instead of until Friday. Lucky you.

Last night we took the Unwed Husband's very small amount of leftover amazing three cheese homemade mac and cheese and whipped up some non-preservative and sodium monitored gourmet Chili Mac. This isn't your average Hamburger Helper lazy day Chili Mac. This featured delicious homemade chili and fresh cheese that you just can't get from that bleeding heart son of a bitch smiling glove. 

This Mac and Cheese is literally food for the gods. It's rich and creamy and honestly even good lumped up and cold like this.

Pictures can not begin to describe how amazing this remake was.

Refurbished Chili Mac

2 lbs of ground beef

1 onion, chopped

1 green bell pepper, chopped

2 tomatoes, chopped

1 stalk of celery, chopped

4 TBS chili powder

2 TBS cumin

Salt and Pepper to taste

1 cup of water

1- 8 oz can of tomato 

1 cup of cheddar cheese

1 lb of cooked macaroni and cheese (Add in extra macaroni if needed)

1/2 C real mayo made with olive oil

Saute all veggies and set aside.

Brown ground beef and drain.

Place cooked veggies in a large pot with cooked beef.

Stir in all ingredients except for cheese and macaroni.

Allow to simmer for about an hour or two.

Add in mac and extra cheese and stir.

Stir in mayo until creamy.

At this point you can also add in extra add ins. My recommendations would be olives, a variety of beans, mushrooms, sun dried tomatoes, jalapenos and/or fresh tomatoes. 

Papas Can You Hear Me? Day 2 of Leftover Makeovers: Mashed Potato Latkes

Let me just start this off by saying I really hope this doesn't offend anyone of the Jewish faith. If anything, you should be flattered. The reason I'm saying this is because I have a confession. Although I was raised a Hispanic Catholic girl from the south, I have this unnatural obsession with being a Jewish New Yorker. I'm not sure where this obsession came from other than my upbringing where "Funny Girl" was shown alongside "Sesame Street" and "Don't Rain on My Parade" was just another lullaby. Once I grew up it became marathons of "The Nanny" and I was obsessed with the glamorous stereotype.In second grade one of the teachers was a lovely woman named Mrs. Weizmann  During the holidays she taught us all about Hanukkah  the traditions and the food. Three things happened that day. One, I begged my mother to become Jewish so I could have 8 Christmases (yeah, I know that's not quite right now). Two, I went home with my own dreidel and learned the dreidel song. Three, I tasted Potato Latkes for the first time and was hooked.

It's day two of Leftover Makeovers and dinner was one of my family's absolute favorites; breakfast for dinner buffet. The menu consisted of their choice of leftover ham, bacon, eggs, pancakes and Potato Latkes made of leftover mashed potatoes. It was heavenly. So heavenly in fact that I forgot to take a picture and by the time I remembered, they were all eaten up.

This is not my picture but it looks like it could be. That's all that matter's, right? Screw copyrights! I'm a Google rebel.

Mashed Potato Latkes

2 cups mashed potatoes 
1 large egg, beaten lightly 
6 tablespoons all-purpose flour 
3 TBS onion powder  
Salt and pepper 
Vegetable oil, for frying

Preheat oven to 250 degrees. 

In a bowl combine well the potatoes and the egg, stir in the flour thoroughly, and stir in the onion powder salt and pepper, to taste. 

In a large heavy skillet, heat 1/8-inch of the oil over moderately high heat until it is hot but not smoking. Fry heaping tablespoons of the potato mixture, flattening them slightly with the back of the spoon, for 1 minute on each side, or until they are golden brown. Transfer the pancakes as they are cooked to paper towels to drain and if desired, keep them warm on a rack set on a baking sheet in a preheated 250 degree oven. 

Cornbread Dressing Gets a Hot New Look on This Episode of Leftover Makeover

Thanksgiving is over, the family is getting ready to vacate your house, you've sent off plates of leftovers to everyone but you still have leftovers to feed a small third world country? I can relate. My family is very much into cooking. This year, with me and the UH here, there was a lot of fresh takes on old favorites including Bacon Weaved Turkey, Praline Ham, Cornbread Dressing, Green Bean Casserole, Mashed Potatoes, Candied Yams from scratch, gravy and the inclusion of the UH's amazing homemade Mac and Cheese. After everything, it doesn't even look like we've made a dent in the side dishes.

I know that most sites feature leftover recipes for leftover turkey. Let's get real though, is leftover turkey really a problem? I have no problem sneaking to the kitchen for a small handful of cold turkey. A small handful of mashed potatoes? Not so much. The problem lies in the side dishes. After awhile the  potatoes start getting that gross water, the dressing gets a gross color and the gravy looks like a science project. I'm here to help that. There is no need to make eating leftovers a monotonous chore. Your leftover dinners can be completely different every night. It's like thrift store eating. You shop at a thrift store, buy something someone else wore to death, bring it home and jazz it up into something new. Well, there's no reason you can't do that with leftovers.

Today's revamp? Leftover stuffing turns into beautiful Hush Puppies for a weekend fish fry. You can definitely make these healthy and bake them, but my theory is that you're taking little balls of sugary carbs and rolling them in more carbs. If you're really wanting to be healthy, why are you eating this in the first place? Bring on the oil, baby. Bring on the oil. 

Cornbread dressing was in a slump. Sure, the first few days of her existence was grand and nobody could keep their hands off of her. After awhile though, she got tired of being in the same old routine. She needed help and we here at The Unwed Housewife were more than happy to come to her rescue.

A few minutes later, a new coat and a hot oil dip and look at her now. Gorgeous! Also, she multiplied. It's weird, yes, but who are we to judge? You go, girl!

Leftover Dressing into Hush Puppies

2 C leftover cornbread dressing

1 C plain bread crumbs

enough oil to deep fry in

Heat oil in medium sized pot or deep fryer.

Take about 1 TBS of dressing and roll into a ball. 

Roll dressing ball into bread crumbs and coat completely.

Repeat until all dressing is formed into balls.

Drop into hot oil and fry until golden brown.

Take out and drain on paper towels, newspaper or paper bags. 

Serve along with fish and chips.

When Apologizing, It's Always Best to Use Bacon

I know, it seems like most of these blog posts have an apology for why I haven't been able to post lately. This time I'm not even going to explain it because it honestly just has to do with me being lazy.That's right. I'm lazy. How lazy? Well, I had this whole blog post written about a month ago and I just now got around to editing it. Yeah. That's pretty lazy. That's why I have a surprise. Not only am I posting my amazingly delicious Bacon Maple Cupcake recipe, but I'm also linking you to the most amazing Brown Butter Pumpkin Cupcakes with Caramel Cream Cheese frosting. They are the perfect addition to a Thanksgiving dessert buffet. I took these to work on Monday for our Thanksgiving potluck and they were a huge hit.

I'm just going to keep this short and sweet because I know why you're reading this, you probably want bacon and honestly I'd like to fit a nap in before "New Girl" because today was exhausting.
And now for my apology recipe; Maple Bacon Cupcakes. Trust me, it sounds odd, but it's not. Think outside of the Duncan Hines box. Relax, lay back, pour yourself some coffee and enjoy the breakfast explosion in your mouth (that's what he said). It's like bacon and pancakes with syrup (Also what he said. He lied.).

Maple Bacon Cupcakes with Candied Bacon

Butter Cake:

1 cup butter, softened

1 1/2 cups sugar

4 large eggs

3 cups all-purpose soft-wheat flour

1 tablespoon baking powder

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup milk

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Paper baking cups

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Beat butter and sugar at medium speed with an electric mixer until creamy. Add eggs, 1 at a time, beating until blended after each addition. Combine flour, baking powder, and salt; add to butter mixture alternately with milk, beginning and ending with flour mixture. Beat at low speed until blended after each addition. Stir in vanilla.

Place paper baking cups in 2 (12-cup) muffin pans, and coat with cooking spray; spoon batter into cups, filling two-thirds full. Bake for 12-15 minutes or until a wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool in pans on wire racks 10 minutes; remove from pans to wire racks, and cool completely. While cupcakes are cooling make Candied Bacon.

Candied Bacon:

12 strips of raw bacon cut into quarters

1/2 C brown sugar

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Place bacon and brown sugar in zipper sealed bag and shake until bacon is coated. Lay each piece on a baking sheet and bake for about seven minutes, flip bacon and then bake for five minutes more. Bacon should be crispy and sticky like toffee.

*Tip* The bacon grease and brown sugar forms an amazing sweet and salty toffee candy. It's an added bonus.

Maple Frosting:

1 cup butter

1 (16-oz.) package dark brown sugar

1/2 cup evaporated milk

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

1 tablespoon light corn syrup

4 cups powdered sugar

2 teaspoons maple flavoring

To prepare frosting, melt butter in a heavy saucepan over medium heat. Add brown sugar; bring to a boil, stirring constantly. Stir in evaporated milk, baking soda, and light corn syrup; bring to a boil, stirring occasionally. Remove from heat, and let cool. Transfer caramel mixture to a large bowl. Gradually add powdered sugar to caramel mixture; beat at medium speed with an electric mixer until creamy. Stir in maple flavoring. Beat at high speed 2 minutes or until creamy. Frost using a cupcake tip, or just dip the cupcakes into the frosting for a nice even coat. Top with the candied bacon and enjoy.

I'm Only Happy When I Pretend to Be Shirley Manson in the Rain

I may not be the lead singer of Garbage, but I'm okay with that. It would be kind of awkward to have peaked in the mid-nineties when I was about 10 and my only accomplishment in life was leading not only a Spice Girls fan club, but a Saved By the Bell fan club as well. Also, there's lots of other things that make me happy, not just rain. This is probably a good thing since there's been a drought and only being happy when it rains would mean living a very depressing life.

That being said, I LOVE the rain. LOVE it. I may not be ONLY happy when it rains, but I am incredibly giddy when it does. My family makes an event of it. We always have. Whether it's taking a drive in the rain or making a family movie night, we always plan some sort of rainy weather activity. We are nothing like those whiny little assholes from "The Cat in the Hat." Seriously, what the hell? I can't be the only ones that could relate to the mom abandoning them while it rained. Those kids were whiny. Who whines when it rains despite have a freakin' TALKING GOLDFISH? They do apparently. So ungrateful.

The whole reason for all of this rain talk is that it's finally my favorite season and it finally rained. Not just rained, it poured. It was the most beautiful thing in the world. Fall weather and rain. Love it! How did we celebrate? Movies and an old classic with a grown up twist; tomato soup and grilled cheese. How did I make it with a grown up twist? I put my own spin on Chef Alex Guarnaschelli's Charred Tomato Soup and served it with delicious Panini. Before I post the delicious recipes, I have to ask: has anyone else gotten grief from people over the word "panini?" I have had angry hoards (like 3 people) get mad when I say paninis because apparently "panino" is the singular form and "panini" is already a plural. Paninis, panini. Who cares? It's a delicious smushed sandwich.

Charred Tomato Soup

2 TBS Canola Oil
12 Roma tomatoes, washed, core removed and a small "x" cut in the bottom
salt
1 TBS sugar
1 C white wine (I used Pinot Grigio)
6 cloves garlic, peeled and sliced thin
2 medium onions, diced
1/4 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
black pepper
2 tsp dried oregano
1 (28 oz) can whole peeled tomatoes
1 C water
2 C low fat Mozzarella
Sour cream
green onions

In a large cast iron skillet heat oil.
Place all Roma tomatoes inside and sprinkle with salt and sugar.
Allow skin to char a bit and carefully turn them. This part is labor intensive, but builds the flavor so much.
Once lightly charred all over, pour in 1/4 C of wine and simmer on low.
In a soup pot cook onions and garlic until tender.
Add in oregano, red pepper flakes and whole can of tomatoes with liquid.
Stir in water and add charred tomatoes and the rest of the reserved wine but NOT the liquid in the cast iron skillet.
Stew for about an hour or two.
Once tomatoes are tender and flavors have married, take a hand blender or pour chunky soup in blender and puree until smooth.
Top with cheese, sour cream and/or green onions.

*I usually make mine a day ahead and store in the fridge in order to allow all of the flavors to mature.

Panini
Panini can literally be made of anything you would put in a sandwich. For the one pictured above we went to the deli and bought hard salami and deli pepperoni sliced the thinnest they could slice, some provolone, mozzarella, grilled green and red bell peppers, grilled onions and arugula. We placed all of the ingredients on bolillo rolls and pressed them on the George Foreman grill. You really can't go wrong with these.

Why I Fed Chicken Parm to a House of Zombies

I was really sick for a few days. Actually, everyone at my house was sick. It was like the movie "Contagion" in here. I spent the rest of my check on cold and flu medicine. I have insurance now and probably should have gone to the doctor, but I come from a long line of people that believe in the healing properties of Vick's Vapor Rub, NyQuil, Alka-seltzer, Sprite and Chicken Soup. 

It must work though because after that medical routine and two days of being quarantined, we all made it back to work today. Well, maybe not so much "made it" as much as "we had to drag ourselves to work because that's what responsible adults do" -or some crap like that. I don't know. This whole mature adult thing is new to me. I'm still finding it hard to hold my tongue and not talk back if someone tries to correct me. I'm doing a good job of it though. I'm even keeping my cool with irate clients. I think the lovely paycheck and benefits have encouraged that. Whatever works, right?

All of my time at work is spent sitting down answering phones. I'm actually enjoying that, however I'm not exactly a dainty girl and I fear that I'll become Honey Boo Boo's thumb Mom. I just don't think I could pull off the melting into yourself look.

And yes, if you're counting that most certainly is the second reference to Honey Boo Boo in one week.

This fear of becoming Honey Boo Boo's mom has lead to me looking for healthier alternatives. For instance lunch today was a homemade turkey gyro on a wheat pita (because if you follow us on Facebook you know about my disdain for the crap served at the work cafeterestaurant), carrot and celery sticks with homemade Tzatziki (strained Greek Yogurt with shredded cucumber and minced garlic) and Coconut Water. It was amazing. I have fancy lunches. 

So, I've been revamping old meals into something at least a tad bit healthier. Sadly, only half of the people that I cooked for could even taste anything I made last night. What's that? You want to know what I made for dinner? Well, lovelies, you're in luck. Not only do I have the picture of what I made, but also the recipe. ENJOY!

Chicken Parmesan        Serves 6

3 boneless skinless chicken breasts

2 egg whites

1/2 C milk

2 C Italian Breadcrumbs

Non-stick Cooking Spray

1 C fat free Mozzarella

4 C marinara (I used Fresh Mushroom Prego since I did not have the time or energy for homemade. Sue me.)

Preheat oven to 350*F

Pound each chicken breast to 1/4 inch thickness and then cut in half.

Beat egg whites and milk together.

Dip chicken pieces in mixture and then toss in breadcrumbs to coat.

Spray cooking spray on large cookie sheet.

Place coated pieces on sheet and then spray pieces with spray.

Bake for about 25 minutes or until golden brown and cooked all the way through.

Top with about 2 TBS marinara and about 1 TBS cheese.

Place back in oven until melted. About 2 minutes.

Serve on top of spaghetti topped with extra sauce with a side salad.

When Life Gives You Vodka, Drink It, but Occasionally Mix it with Pudding and Whipped Cream

I know I've been slacking, lovelies. Times have been crazy. Just kidding. I've been a lazy ass. I really have. There is no excuse. Work isn't very strenuous, I come home, cook (not a chore if you love it), watch TV and then tell myself that I'll definitely blog tomorrow. The next day I go through the same process until it's Saturday, I'm blogless and I'm sleeping late then shopping or lounging around. I really don't have an excuse for neglect. Thank God I'm childless or my children would be starved and injured laying somewhere on the floor begging for my attention.

Okay, maybe that's a bit drastic, but this blog is my baby and I've definitely neglected it. Not so much Dina Lohan neglect, but definitely along the lines of Honey Boo Boo neglect minus the whole looking like I'm melting into myself thing.

Never fear, lovelies! I come bearing gifts. Not just any gift. Gifts of Vodka. Not just any Vodka. CHOCOLATE vodka. Not just ANY chocolate Vodka. Chocolate Pudding Vodka shots.

I'll just pause here to let you guys finish your orgasm wake up from fainting with delite.

When it comes to chocolate flavored vodka, go crazy with it. Try different brands. I like Godiva, but 360 Double Chocolate Vodka is just as amazing, if not more amazing. It's also cheaper and if you're into all that green recycling stuff, you can mail in the top and they reuse it or something like that.

And yes, that is a shot glass in the picture. It's shaped like a mini mug. I used to serve my little God sister hot cocoa in these. AGAIN, another reason it's a good thing I don't have babies yet. All I have to say is that kid can shoot hot chocolate with the best of 'em now.

And now, the pièce de résistance! I copied and pasted that word to make it seem fancier for you. Are you impressed yet? Oo la la!

• 

                 Chocolate Pudding Shot

• 1 (3/2 oz) package instant chocolate pudding
• 3/4 C milk
• 3/4 C Chocolate flavored Vodka
• 1 (8 oz) container Extra Creamy Cool Whip
• 1 can Whipped Cream for topping

Mix pudding and milk until well blended.

Add Chocolate Vodka and mix well.

FOLD in container of Cool Whip

Divide into 1 oz plastic cups or keep in container

Store in freezer until serving time.

You can serve these in 1 oz shots or go all out and just make large adult parfaits. Either way, top with Whipped Cream and indulge.

Foodie is Just a Fancy Word for "Holy Shit, I Love to Eat!"

Gluttony. Indulging. Overeating. Awesomeness. Call it what you want. All I know is that I really enjoy being a foodie and today has definitely been a foodie's dream come true.

Okay, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. It was a really great day though. Part of that had to do with the office pot luck that I was somewhat of the unofficial secretary for. By somewhat, I mean that I just want a fancy title for rewriting a list where people signed up to bring stuff. It's all about the title, dahling.

I have honestly never been to a potluck where people actually tried and the product was delicious. This may have something to do with the fact that most of my potlucks have been at my mom's apartment complex. Let's just say that the laziness is very present with this group. Boxed stuffing and instant mashed potatoes are just not something I'll subject my own family too, much less people that I'm going to try to impress with my cooking.

There was a wide array of different foods. I had tortilla soup, poblano soup, chips, dip, 1/4 of a tuna sandwich, mexican cornbread, 7 layer dip, chicken alfredo, a piece of chicken, chicken alfredo, meatballs, a deviled egg, death by chocolate pudding, brownies and soda. 

I only ate a smidgen of each thing but I can honestly say that everything was so great. I took Chicken Tortilla Soup and it received rave reviews. I seriously thought that I had already posted the recipe for it in here, but apparently I forgot to add it. If I believed in having a weekly routine, this dish would be in the mix. I like to switch things up too much though, but I have been known to serve this twice a month. That's a big deal for me. This recipe is so cheap, easy and full of Latin flavor that it could be renamed Melanie Griffith's Vagina with the only difference being that people will actually want to eat the soup.

Too much? Yeah, I'm stopping. Here's the recipe.

Again, I apologize for the lack of pictures. I did find a picture of Melanie Griffith though. Yes, THIS is Antonio Banderas's wife. Mrs. Puss in Boots. Are you crying yet? Great! It will add salt to your soup . Cry into your own bowl though. Nobody wants your bodily fluids, sicko.

Okay. Now I'm really stopping. Promise.

Chicken Tortilla Soup

• 1-5 lbs chicken (this part varies depending on how much chicken you want or whether you want white or dark meat. I usually use about 4 skin on, bone in leg quarters.)

• 1 (15 ounce) can Original Rotel

• 1 (10 ounce) can enchilada sauce (my favorite is Las Palmas)

• 2 tsp cumin

• 2 tsp chili powder

• 1 teaspoon salt

• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper

• 2 tsp garlic powder

• 1 (10 ounce) package frozen corn

• 19.75 oz can Whole Black Beans

• 1 bundle of cilantro, chopped with 1/4 reserved

In a large pot boil chicken without any seasoning in about 1 quart of water. Once chicken is boiled, remove from pot and cool. Leave broth in pot and set aside.Take cooled chicken, remove skin and shred the meat into large chunks.Take chicken and all other ingredients and pour them into the pot of chicken broth. Feel free to strain the broth using a colander or cheesecloth.Heat soup for approximately 10-15 minutes until corn is no longer frozen and soup is hot.Top with crumbled tortilla chips, reserved cilantro, chopped green onion, cheese, sour cream and/or sliced avocados.

• 
  

I'm BAAAACK and I'm Here to Staaaaay

I feel like I've been so out of touch, lately. No pop culture updates, no memes, no TV. I've been listening to big band, cross stitching, cooking and reading. It's been awful. I've been Facebooking through my Smartphone. It's so primitive.

Ha! In reality, it was actually kind of fun. I finished "Fifty Shades of Grey." The writing is terrible but that isn't stopping me from reading the second part. I am almost finished with my cross stitching and I have had more time to experiment with more recipes. I missed all of you terribly though and I missed sharing my recipes with you.

I also have a new job. I love it! The people are great, the hours are good and the pay is fantastic. I'm involved in a potluck lunch going on this Friday. I wasn't sure what to cook, but I settled on Chicken Tortilla Soup. It's a family favorite and I'm sure everyone will love it. Tonight though, I'm making Bourbon Chicken. Who doesn't enjoy a little booze with their poultry?

I know this entry is a little shorter than the others and kind of all over the place. Promise that I'll get back on track, lovelies. Just stick with me.

As for the Bourbon Chicken, it tastes nothing like the one from Golden Corral. I really want that recipe and I can't find it. I did find this one though and it's amazingly delicious and super simple. Sorry, no picture this time.

Bourbon Chicken

3 lbs Boneless skinless chicken cut into chunks
4 ounces soy sauce
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon powdered ginger
2 tablespoons onion flakes, dehydrated
3/8 cup bourbon

Mix all marinade ingredients and pour over chicken. Marinate overnight.
Bake at 325 degrees F, basting frequently for 1 1/2 hours or until well browned.

Beating Eggs into Submission Christian Grey Style in The Red Room of Pain. Pain Meaning the French Word for Bread, Obviously.

Well, things have been hectic lately and while I have been posting to the Facebook page, I hate that I don't have computer access to post on the blog more often. I start my new job on Monday so fingers crossed that this will be taken care of soon.

On another note, I've been reading more. Since I'm all about literacy and grammar, I figured I should get back into doing that. This week I put aside a Mitch Albom book to delve into the world of Mommy porn. Yes, that's right- I'm reading "Fifty Shades of Grey." This book mostly makes me sad. It has nothing to do with the material and a lot to do with the fact that women think this is cutting edge. Maybe my generation is just over sexed or I'm some sort of harlot, but I thought everyone was familiar with this kind of stuff. Ha! Vanillas. This book is a lot less BDSM and a lot more internet geek that watched way too much "Secretary." All in all, if you found this book and it's sex scenes to be shocking, never read a Brett Easton Ellis book. You will die of a heart attack. In "American Psycho" for instance there are sex scenes involving severed heads, starving rats and pieces of cheese. It's nothing for the faint of heart, that's for sure.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm actually enjoying "50 Shades," but for the plot, not for the horribly written sex scenes. I did, however, laugh and have to read aloud the part where Christian licks her belly button and "elongates" her nipples. Elongates? Like silly putty? Like he's going to start swinging them around while a midget comes out from under the bed and double dutches with him? Awkward.

Speaking of midgets- Asians are usually very short. Yeah, that really doesn't fit into what I'm talking about, but I'm really not sure how to segue from talking about the book to talking about the amazingly delicious Wonton Cupcakes that I made. Yes, I'm still obsessed with turning things into cupcakes. It's a delicious obsession really. This recipe takes a wonton and tops it with sour cream and teriyaki sauce.

Wonton Cupcakes                        makes about a dozen 1/2

                  

• 16 oz pack of Nasoya Egg Roll Wrappers
• 16 oz bag of coleslaw mix
• 2 lbs ground pork or chicken
• 1 large onion, diced
• 2 tsp ground ginger
• 1 tsp black pepper
• 1 tsp sugar
• 1/4 c Oyster Sauce
• 1/4 c Soy Sauce

Preheat oven to 375*F
Brown chicken or pork in a large skillet with onion, pepper and ginger.

Remove from heat and transfer to a large bowl.

Add in package of coleslaw mix.

Stir in sugar, soy sauce and oyster sauce.
Place one sheet of  wonton in each compartment of a non stick or greased muffin tin.
Put about a TBS of filling on top of wonton and cover it with another sheet, being sure to tuck the sheet in.
Bake for about 20 minutes or until golden brown and hardened.
Top with a dollop of "frosting," green onions and serve with fried rice.

Wonton Cupcake Frosting 

• 1 C sour cream
• 2 tsp teriyaki sauce 
• 1 tsp soy sauce  

 Mix together and serve dollop on top of each wonton cupcake.

My Von Trapp-like Escape from the Evil Baking Nazis and How I Lived to Share a Biscotti Recipe with the World

I don't have my camera with me today so the picture I'm providing for this week's recipe is from my Blackberry camera and is of horrible quality. Then again, who really reads this blog anyway? Most of our fans are on Facebook. Ha!

I've mentioned before that I absolutely hate baking. I do. It's too technical. I like things that you can add your own flair too and baking is just not one of those things. That being said, I'm addicted to making biscotti. I tried selling my biscotti (because it really is that good) but I live in a place where when I mentioned biscotti I got a "WTF is that?" kind of reaction to it. Also, I was banned from a Facebook baking group where people sold baked goods because they thought I was being racist on my page when I was making fun of my family's Mexicaness. Yeah, yeah, Zieg Hiel, baker Nazis.

No, I'm not bitter at all. I mean, a place where people are too lazy to make banana pudding with meringue instead of whipped cream is a place far too inferior for me and any of my lovelies. Right? Off topic, but while we're talking about toppings on desserts, can we please do something about fondant? It's gross and pretty inedible. It tastes like sugary dough. If you must mold something, use marzipan. It's so much better, you guys.

I really don't have much time to make a long post today since I am only borrowing the computer and my grandma needs help checking her email, my boyfriend needs to check his Facebook and my cousin needs to online game, so I'm going to just jump ahead and post the delicious Lemon-Almond Biscotti recipe. For those that don't know what biscotti is, it's a hard twice baked cookie used for dipping in coffee, tea, hot chocolate and even a nice dessert wine. Enjoy!

Lemon-Almond Biscotti

1/3 cup margarine (butter softened)

2/3 cup granulated sugar

2 tbsps lemon rind (grated fresh)

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/8 tsp salt

2 large eggs

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 cup slivered almond 

Preheat oven to 375*F.

Beat butter until light and fluffy.

Mix in all ingredients to butter except for flour and almonds.

Slowly stir in flour to mixture.

Add in almonds.

Roll into 9 inch logs.

Flatten slightly so that they look like loaves.

Bake for 20 minutes on nonstick baking sheet.

Remove from oven and cool for EXACTLY 1 hour. No exceptions.

After 1 hour, take a serrated knife and diagonally slice into 1/2 inch thick slices.

Place cut slice down on baking sheet and place bake in 375* oven for 8 minutes.

Flip slices over and bake for another 8-10 minutes.

Once cooled dip in lemon icing.

Lemon Icing

1 tsp lemon rind

1 C confectioner's sugar

2 TBS milk

Mix all together. Add more milk for a thinner glaze or more sugar for a thicker glaze. 

Why I've been MIA and the Cupcake Recipe You'll Want as a Main Dish

My lovelies, I  have missed talking to you. I was supposed to get my computer back last week, but problems came up and I honestly don't know when I'll be back online. Instead I'm having to go to my grandparents house and use their internet connection. This is backwards. Shouldn't my grandparents be coming to me for their technology problems and not the other way around? 

A lot has happened since we last spoke. For instance I've started baking. I've never really been much of a baker. This isn't because I can't bake, I just don't like being precise with my cooking. I hardly ever measure when I'm cooking. I think of cooking as an art and baking as a science. I hate science. I have, however discovered that I'm some sort of odd biscotti queen and I rock at making muffins from scratch. Another thing that happened is that my Facebook profile was banned for three weeks by a woman that found our Unwed Housewife Facebook page to be unfunny. Basically, the woman didn't find sarcasm and irony to be humorous, therefore she got her granny panties in a bunch and reported a picture in the group. Boo to you! Because of her reporting and my lack of an internet connection from which I could make an alternate profile and set it to admin, I was forced to leave the page and blog on a hiatus, but never fear. We're baaaaaaack, and I have a whole arsenal of foodie awesomeness awaiting.

I also have new addiction problem and I need help goal; to turn everything I can into a cupcake. It started off with meatloaf cupcakes which are essentially just meatballs covered in mashed potatoes. That left me wondering, if you can turn meatloaf into cupcakes, what other savory foods can be cupcakerized? I then Googled savory cupcakes and a Pandora's Box of savory cuteness was opened. My latest cupcake venture was a Taco Tuesday Twist on boring tacos. They were a huge hit and adorable at the same time. They were also incredibly simple to make.

Taco Cupcakes    makes 24

2 lbs ground beef

1 can refried beans

2 c Cheddar or Monterrey Jack cheese

12 oz package of Nasoya Wonton Wrappers

two packs of taco seasoning

sour cream, diced tomato, lettuce, green onion and assorted toppings

2- 12 count muffin tins

Preheat oven to 350*F.

Brown beef in a large skillet and follow directions on taco seasoning packet. Set aside

If preferred, heat beans in a separate pan. (Optional)

Place one sheet of wonton in a greased cupcake tin.

Place a dollop of beans on top of wonton followed by about a tbs of beef, a tsp of cheese, another  wonton wrapper, another tbs of beef and top it with another tsp of cheese.

Repeat in that order until both tins are full.

Place tins in oven for 20-30 minutes or until wrappers are crisp.

Top with a dollop of sour cream and your choice of taco toppings.

Serve with Spanish rice and beans,

Pinkies Up, Fancy Pants or How I Took Julia Child's Boeuf Bourguingnon Recipe and Made it Something Simple

I know I've posted a lot of budget meals and super simple dishes, but that isn't the complete range of my cooking abilities. I also enjoy cooking foods from other cultures and more complicated recipes. 

When you're unemployed you have to fill your time with something or else you will indeed end up going crazy. I chose to fill that time with teaching myself how to cook through all of Julia Child's "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" in one year. 


Oh wait, that's that other blog. You know, the one people actually read and that spawned a movie featuring a somewhat unattractive Amy Adams doing her best stuck up lesbian elf impression. Sorry if that offended anyone. I have nothing against elves and what they choose to do behind closed workshop doors is their business, not mine. 

 

Holy pointed ears, upturned nose and femullet, Batman!  

While I may not be Julie, I did learn to cook some of my best French recipes from Julia Child. Boeuf Bourguingnon is my absolute favorite French dish. I did do something blasphemous though. I changed a few things up to make it easier and tastier, but I do that with everything  and since when has God damn blasphemy stopped me before? Plus, it's not like Julia is going to rise from the grave to kill me because I add a little extra thyme to my bouquet garni and don't make things more complicated by braising this and cooking that separately. Trust me, it tastes the same if you do it the lazy way.    

Oh, Wth! You never let me down, Google.

For those of you that aren't aware of what Boeuf Bourguingnon is, it's an amazing cross between a pot roast and a stew with vegetables, herbs and chunks of red wine marinated beef. Basically, it's heaven in one pot. It may sound complicated but the hardest part is in chopping and prepping for an overnight marinade. The rest is just roasting for three hours and making a gravy from wine and beef drippings. Don't be overwhelmed. There are 44 steps in the original, but I've simplified this to the point of you needing a second bottle of wine to drink for the other 34 steps.

Boeuf Bourguingnon

• 3 lbs stewing beef or 1 roast cut into bite size chunks
• 1 bottle of full bodied red wine (Chianti, Burgandy, Pinot Noir, Bordeaux)
• 1 carton beef stock
• 1/2 c flour
• 1 large bag of carrots, cut into chunks
• 1 whole bag of celery, cut into chunks
• 1/2 bunch of parsley
• 12 sprigs of thyme
• 2 large yellow onions, chopped
• 3 bay leaves, 2 whole and 1 crushed
• bacon, cooked and crumbled with grease reserved
• 1/3 c butter
• fresh mushrooms, sliced (you can use as many mushrooms as you'd like)
• Salt, pepper, garlic to taste
• 6"x6" piece of cheesecloth plus a long strip of cheesecloth

1. Take a medium sized square of cheesecloth and place parsley, thyme and 2 whole bay leaves in center. Gather all corners together and tie with the strip of cloth. Congratulations, you've just made a bouquet garni.

2. In a large roasting pan or deep oven safe dish, mix together wine, broth, all vegetables EXCEPT mushrooms, crushed bay leaf, seasonings and bacon grease. Add in beef chunks and bouquet garni then cover and place in fridge to marinate overnight.

3. The next day preheat the oven to 350*F.

4. Fish out beef chunks and pat dry. Brown beef in large skillet. Immediately dredge in flour and place in the oven on a baking sheet for 5 minutes.

5. Return beef to wine marinade and vegetables. Mix well and place in oven for 3 hours. In the last 30 minutes stir in mushrooms.

6. Once finished, strain gravy through a colander into another pot.

7. Place meat and veggies back in oven with crumbled bacon mixed in.

8. Put the gravy pot over medium heat with 1 cup of water and bring to a boil while whisking. Reduce until gravy coats the back of spoon. If it does not thicken, add 1 tbs of corn starch to warm water in a jar with a lid, shake vigorously then pour into gravy.

9. Remove vegetables and beef from oven and either pour gravy over them and mix or control how much gravy you use by pouring it over each individual serving.

10. Serve on top of egg noodles or mashed potatoes.

Now that wasn't very hard, was it? That's what she said. 

Oh, c'mon! You were thinking it too.

So the week has started and you're feeling like a lazy S.O.B

Never fear! The Unwed Housewife has the solution.

I love to cook, but sometimes I want fast food that I can still make at home and not have to stare into the face of a greasy temperamental teenager that has already lost all lust for life. For those days I have simple meals that I fancy up and make look a lot more complicated than they really are. The trick? Options and attention to detail.

On Saturday I made Baked Potato Soup and bought a sub sandwich from Walmart. I sliced the sub and arranged it on a platter. I also cut up a variety of toppings for the soup and veggies for the sandwich then arranged them on the table. My family went crazy for that.

On Sunday I made a super simple supper staple; Spaghetti Bolognaise. What made that seem more special than usual is that I set up a salad bar with a variety of toppings. It's perfect for lazy days or days where it's too hot and you don't want to be in an even hotter kitchen.

Then there's those days that are kind of in between. Days situated between grand meals like Beouf Bourguingnon and Shrimp Boils. Days where you want something hearty and filling but still kind of light. Those days are dedicated to pot pies and cobblers.

"Cobbler," you ask?

Yes, Chicken Cobbler. It's fast, cheap and easy. Like your mom, but less sinewy.

I rarely add captions to my recipe pictures, but does this not look like a drawing?

Chicken Cobbler         Serves 6

• 4 chicken leg quarters, boiled and shredded
• 1 package Pillsbury Pie Crusts
• 1 Family Size 26 oz can of Cream of Chicken Soup
• 1 small 11 oz can of cream of potato soup
• 1 regular 12 oz bag frozen peas and carrots
• 1/2 c milk
• salt, pepper and garlic to taste

Preheat oven to 375*F.

Take a 9x13" dish and line it with one sleeve of pie crust.

Mix all other ingredients together in a large bowl.

Pour into dough lined pan.

Unroll the other sleeve of pie crust.

Cut into 1/2 inch thick strips and weave on top of mixture.

Place in oven until crust is golden brown.
Serve with salad or mashed potatoes.

Me So Hungry. This Recipe No Take Long Time.

Is the title politically incorrect? You bet your midget ass it is!    _______________________________________________________________________________________

One of the sad truths of living during a recession is that you have to give up on the little things. One of the things that I miss most is Chinese take out. I also lived in Idaho for a year and while nothing compares to seeing the Maples turn red in fall, the crisp fresh air, the amazing snow topped mountains or late night snow ball fights; one thing they didn't have was decent Chinese food. We searched high and low for a place where we could get crisp General Tso Chicken that wasn't served with the sauce on the side or Beef and Broccoli that didn't look like soup and had flavor. Another thing that was hard to find were good egg rolls. Instead of giving up, I took this as a challenge. A challenge that I quickly accepted.

I searched for the perfect recipe and finally found one that didn't completely suck. I had no idea how simple it was to make egg rolls. The only thing that made them so tedious was the rolling part. If you've read my Chicken Cordon Bleu recipe you know how much I hate unnecessary rolling of things and always look for a way to make it easier and save time.

My friend Brandy is a Tupperware salesperson and before I left to Idaho we threw a Tupperware party. During that party I acquired this awesome little Empanada maker. I have made so many things with this one little contraption. Everything from fruit pies to chicken pot pies and homemade hot pockets. This inspired me to take everything from egg rolls and make a hybrid of a Fried Wanton, Egg Roll and a classic Empanada.

This may sound like an infomercial, but my favorite part about this gadget is that since it's Tupperware, it has a lifetime warranty which means I'll always have an Empanada maker no matter what. I wouldn't recommend filling them with baby poop like the one in the picture though.

I came up with this: A delicious little pocket of Egg Roll deliciousness with all of the flavor and none of the hassle. Plus, any chance I get to use new, fun products is always good. By request from the family, we served this with Cilantro Lime Rice but you could substitute that with Fried Rice or Lo Mein  or just eat these by themselves.

Extra Large Fried Wantons or Lazy Egg Roll Empanadas

• 16 oz pack of Nasoya Egg Roll Wrappers
• 16 oz bag of coleslaw mix
• 2 lbs ground pork or chicken
• 1 large onion, diced
• 2 tsp ground ginger
• 1 tsp black pepper
• 1 tsp sugar
• 1/4 c Oyster Sauce
• 1/4 c Soy Sauce
• 4 c oil in a small sauce pan

Brown chicken or pork in a large skillet with onion, pepper and ginger.

Remove from heat and transfer to a large bowl.

Add in package of coleslaw mix.

Stir in sugar, soy sauce and oyster sauce.

*For those with an empanada maker: Use bottom of gadget to cut a circle into one egg roll wrapper. Place circular wrapper on top, fill with 2 tbs of cabbage and meat mixture, wet edges with water and fold gadget closed. Repeat with remaining wrappers.

*For those without an empanada maker: Use a bowl to cut out a circle into one egg roll wrapper. Place wrapper flat and fill with 2 tbs of cabbage and meat mixture, wet edges with water and pinch closed. Use a fork around edges to make a design and ensure that all edges are closed properly. Repeat with remaining wrappers.

Heat oil in a small sauce pan and, one at a time, place the pockets into the oil. 

Fry until golden brown and bubbly.