Why I Fed Chicken Parm to a House of Zombies

I was really sick for a few days. Actually, everyone at my house was sick. It was like the movie "Contagion" in here. I spent the rest of my check on cold and flu medicine. I have insurance now and probably should have gone to the doctor, but I come from a long line of people that believe in the healing properties of Vick's Vapor Rub, NyQuil, Alka-seltzer, Sprite and Chicken Soup. 

It must work though because after that medical routine and two days of being quarantined, we all made it back to work today. Well, maybe not so much "made it" as much as "we had to drag ourselves to work because that's what responsible adults do" -or some crap like that. I don't know. This whole mature adult thing is new to me. I'm still finding it hard to hold my tongue and not talk back if someone tries to correct me. I'm doing a good job of it though. I'm even keeping my cool with irate clients. I think the lovely paycheck and benefits have encouraged that. Whatever works, right?

All of my time at work is spent sitting down answering phones. I'm actually enjoying that, however I'm not exactly a dainty girl and I fear that I'll become Honey Boo Boo's thumb Mom. I just don't think I could pull off the melting into yourself look.

And yes, if you're counting that most certainly is the second reference to Honey Boo Boo in one week.

This fear of becoming Honey Boo Boo's mom has lead to me looking for healthier alternatives. For instance lunch today was a homemade turkey gyro on a wheat pita (because if you follow us on Facebook you know about my disdain for the crap served at the work cafeterestaurant), carrot and celery sticks with homemade Tzatziki (strained Greek Yogurt with shredded cucumber and minced garlic) and Coconut Water. It was amazing. I have fancy lunches. 

So, I've been revamping old meals into something at least a tad bit healthier. Sadly, only half of the people that I cooked for could even taste anything I made last night. What's that? You want to know what I made for dinner? Well, lovelies, you're in luck. Not only do I have the picture of what I made, but also the recipe. ENJOY!

Chicken Parmesan        Serves 6

3 boneless skinless chicken breasts

2 egg whites

1/2 C milk

2 C Italian Breadcrumbs

Non-stick Cooking Spray

1 C fat free Mozzarella

4 C marinara (I used Fresh Mushroom Prego since I did not have the time or energy for homemade. Sue me.)

Preheat oven to 350*F

Pound each chicken breast to 1/4 inch thickness and then cut in half.

Beat egg whites and milk together.

Dip chicken pieces in mixture and then toss in breadcrumbs to coat.

Spray cooking spray on large cookie sheet.

Place coated pieces on sheet and then spray pieces with spray.

Bake for about 25 minutes or until golden brown and cooked all the way through.

Top with about 2 TBS marinara and about 1 TBS cheese.

Place back in oven until melted. About 2 minutes.

Serve on top of spaghetti topped with extra sauce with a side salad.

When Life Gives You Vodka, Drink It, but Occasionally Mix it with Pudding and Whipped Cream

I know I've been slacking, lovelies. Times have been crazy. Just kidding. I've been a lazy ass. I really have. There is no excuse. Work isn't very strenuous, I come home, cook (not a chore if you love it), watch TV and then tell myself that I'll definitely blog tomorrow. The next day I go through the same process until it's Saturday, I'm blogless and I'm sleeping late then shopping or lounging around. I really don't have an excuse for neglect. Thank God I'm childless or my children would be starved and injured laying somewhere on the floor begging for my attention.

Okay, maybe that's a bit drastic, but this blog is my baby and I've definitely neglected it. Not so much Dina Lohan neglect, but definitely along the lines of Honey Boo Boo neglect minus the whole looking like I'm melting into myself thing.

Never fear, lovelies! I come bearing gifts. Not just any gift. Gifts of Vodka. Not just any Vodka. CHOCOLATE vodka. Not just ANY chocolate Vodka. Chocolate Pudding Vodka shots.

I'll just pause here to let you guys finish your orgasm wake up from fainting with delite.

When it comes to chocolate flavored vodka, go crazy with it. Try different brands. I like Godiva, but 360 Double Chocolate Vodka is just as amazing, if not more amazing. It's also cheaper and if you're into all that green recycling stuff, you can mail in the top and they reuse it or something like that.

And yes, that is a shot glass in the picture. It's shaped like a mini mug. I used to serve my little God sister hot cocoa in these. AGAIN, another reason it's a good thing I don't have babies yet. All I have to say is that kid can shoot hot chocolate with the best of 'em now.

And now, the pièce de résistance! I copied and pasted that word to make it seem fancier for you. Are you impressed yet? Oo la la!

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                 Chocolate Pudding Shot

• 1 (3/2 oz) package instant chocolate pudding
• 3/4 C milk
• 3/4 C Chocolate flavored Vodka
• 1 (8 oz) container Extra Creamy Cool Whip
• 1 can Whipped Cream for topping

Mix pudding and milk until well blended.

Add Chocolate Vodka and mix well.

FOLD in container of Cool Whip

Divide into 1 oz plastic cups or keep in container

Store in freezer until serving time.

You can serve these in 1 oz shots or go all out and just make large adult parfaits. Either way, top with Whipped Cream and indulge.

Foodie is Just a Fancy Word for "Holy Shit, I Love to Eat!"

Gluttony. Indulging. Overeating. Awesomeness. Call it what you want. All I know is that I really enjoy being a foodie and today has definitely been a foodie's dream come true.

Okay, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. It was a really great day though. Part of that had to do with the office pot luck that I was somewhat of the unofficial secretary for. By somewhat, I mean that I just want a fancy title for rewriting a list where people signed up to bring stuff. It's all about the title, dahling.

I have honestly never been to a potluck where people actually tried and the product was delicious. This may have something to do with the fact that most of my potlucks have been at my mom's apartment complex. Let's just say that the laziness is very present with this group. Boxed stuffing and instant mashed potatoes are just not something I'll subject my own family too, much less people that I'm going to try to impress with my cooking.

There was a wide array of different foods. I had tortilla soup, poblano soup, chips, dip, 1/4 of a tuna sandwich, mexican cornbread, 7 layer dip, chicken alfredo, a piece of chicken, chicken alfredo, meatballs, a deviled egg, death by chocolate pudding, brownies and soda. 

I only ate a smidgen of each thing but I can honestly say that everything was so great. I took Chicken Tortilla Soup and it received rave reviews. I seriously thought that I had already posted the recipe for it in here, but apparently I forgot to add it. If I believed in having a weekly routine, this dish would be in the mix. I like to switch things up too much though, but I have been known to serve this twice a month. That's a big deal for me. This recipe is so cheap, easy and full of Latin flavor that it could be renamed Melanie Griffith's Vagina with the only difference being that people will actually want to eat the soup.

Too much? Yeah, I'm stopping. Here's the recipe.

Again, I apologize for the lack of pictures. I did find a picture of Melanie Griffith though. Yes, THIS is Antonio Banderas's wife. Mrs. Puss in Boots. Are you crying yet? Great! It will add salt to your soup . Cry into your own bowl though. Nobody wants your bodily fluids, sicko.

Okay. Now I'm really stopping. Promise.

Chicken Tortilla Soup

• 1-5 lbs chicken (this part varies depending on how much chicken you want or whether you want white or dark meat. I usually use about 4 skin on, bone in leg quarters.)

• 1 (15 ounce) can Original Rotel

• 1 (10 ounce) can enchilada sauce (my favorite is Las Palmas)

• 2 tsp cumin

• 2 tsp chili powder

• 1 teaspoon salt

• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper

• 2 tsp garlic powder

• 1 (10 ounce) package frozen corn

• 19.75 oz can Whole Black Beans

• 1 bundle of cilantro, chopped with 1/4 reserved

In a large pot boil chicken without any seasoning in about 1 quart of water. Once chicken is boiled, remove from pot and cool. Leave broth in pot and set aside.Take cooled chicken, remove skin and shred the meat into large chunks.Take chicken and all other ingredients and pour them into the pot of chicken broth. Feel free to strain the broth using a colander or cheesecloth.Heat soup for approximately 10-15 minutes until corn is no longer frozen and soup is hot.Top with crumbled tortilla chips, reserved cilantro, chopped green onion, cheese, sour cream and/or sliced avocados.

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I'm BAAAACK and I'm Here to Staaaaay

I feel like I've been so out of touch, lately. No pop culture updates, no memes, no TV. I've been listening to big band, cross stitching, cooking and reading. It's been awful. I've been Facebooking through my Smartphone. It's so primitive.

Ha! In reality, it was actually kind of fun. I finished "Fifty Shades of Grey." The writing is terrible but that isn't stopping me from reading the second part. I am almost finished with my cross stitching and I have had more time to experiment with more recipes. I missed all of you terribly though and I missed sharing my recipes with you.

I also have a new job. I love it! The people are great, the hours are good and the pay is fantastic. I'm involved in a potluck lunch going on this Friday. I wasn't sure what to cook, but I settled on Chicken Tortilla Soup. It's a family favorite and I'm sure everyone will love it. Tonight though, I'm making Bourbon Chicken. Who doesn't enjoy a little booze with their poultry?

I know this entry is a little shorter than the others and kind of all over the place. Promise that I'll get back on track, lovelies. Just stick with me.

As for the Bourbon Chicken, it tastes nothing like the one from Golden Corral. I really want that recipe and I can't find it. I did find this one though and it's amazingly delicious and super simple. Sorry, no picture this time.

Bourbon Chicken

3 lbs Boneless skinless chicken cut into chunks
4 ounces soy sauce
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon powdered ginger
2 tablespoons onion flakes, dehydrated
3/8 cup bourbon

Mix all marinade ingredients and pour over chicken. Marinate overnight.
Bake at 325 degrees F, basting frequently for 1 1/2 hours or until well browned.