Why I Fed Chicken Parm to a House of Zombies

I was really sick for a few days. Actually, everyone at my house was sick. It was like the movie "Contagion" in here. I spent the rest of my check on cold and flu medicine. I have insurance now and probably should have gone to the doctor, but I come from a long line of people that believe in the healing properties of Vick's Vapor Rub, NyQuil, Alka-seltzer, Sprite and Chicken Soup. 

It must work though because after that medical routine and two days of being quarantined, we all made it back to work today. Well, maybe not so much "made it" as much as "we had to drag ourselves to work because that's what responsible adults do" -or some crap like that. I don't know. This whole mature adult thing is new to me. I'm still finding it hard to hold my tongue and not talk back if someone tries to correct me. I'm doing a good job of it though. I'm even keeping my cool with irate clients. I think the lovely paycheck and benefits have encouraged that. Whatever works, right?

All of my time at work is spent sitting down answering phones. I'm actually enjoying that, however I'm not exactly a dainty girl and I fear that I'll become Honey Boo Boo's thumb Mom. I just don't think I could pull off the melting into yourself look.

And yes, if you're counting that most certainly is the second reference to Honey Boo Boo in one week.

This fear of becoming Honey Boo Boo's mom has lead to me looking for healthier alternatives. For instance lunch today was a homemade turkey gyro on a wheat pita (because if you follow us on Facebook you know about my disdain for the crap served at the work cafeterestaurant), carrot and celery sticks with homemade Tzatziki (strained Greek Yogurt with shredded cucumber and minced garlic) and Coconut Water. It was amazing. I have fancy lunches. 

So, I've been revamping old meals into something at least a tad bit healthier. Sadly, only half of the people that I cooked for could even taste anything I made last night. What's that? You want to know what I made for dinner? Well, lovelies, you're in luck. Not only do I have the picture of what I made, but also the recipe. ENJOY!

Chicken Parmesan        Serves 6

3 boneless skinless chicken breasts

2 egg whites

1/2 C milk

2 C Italian Breadcrumbs

Non-stick Cooking Spray

1 C fat free Mozzarella

4 C marinara (I used Fresh Mushroom Prego since I did not have the time or energy for homemade. Sue me.)

Preheat oven to 350*F

Pound each chicken breast to 1/4 inch thickness and then cut in half.

Beat egg whites and milk together.

Dip chicken pieces in mixture and then toss in breadcrumbs to coat.

Spray cooking spray on large cookie sheet.

Place coated pieces on sheet and then spray pieces with spray.

Bake for about 25 minutes or until golden brown and cooked all the way through.

Top with about 2 TBS marinara and about 1 TBS cheese.

Place back in oven until melted. About 2 minutes.

Serve on top of spaghetti topped with extra sauce with a side salad.

Pinkies Up, Fancy Pants or How I Took Julia Child's Boeuf Bourguingnon Recipe and Made it Something Simple

I know I've posted a lot of budget meals and super simple dishes, but that isn't the complete range of my cooking abilities. I also enjoy cooking foods from other cultures and more complicated recipes. 

When you're unemployed you have to fill your time with something or else you will indeed end up going crazy. I chose to fill that time with teaching myself how to cook through all of Julia Child's "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" in one year. 


Oh wait, that's that other blog. You know, the one people actually read and that spawned a movie featuring a somewhat unattractive Amy Adams doing her best stuck up lesbian elf impression. Sorry if that offended anyone. I have nothing against elves and what they choose to do behind closed workshop doors is their business, not mine. 

 

Holy pointed ears, upturned nose and femullet, Batman!  

While I may not be Julie, I did learn to cook some of my best French recipes from Julia Child. Boeuf Bourguingnon is my absolute favorite French dish. I did do something blasphemous though. I changed a few things up to make it easier and tastier, but I do that with everything  and since when has God damn blasphemy stopped me before? Plus, it's not like Julia is going to rise from the grave to kill me because I add a little extra thyme to my bouquet garni and don't make things more complicated by braising this and cooking that separately. Trust me, it tastes the same if you do it the lazy way.    

Oh, Wth! You never let me down, Google.

For those of you that aren't aware of what Boeuf Bourguingnon is, it's an amazing cross between a pot roast and a stew with vegetables, herbs and chunks of red wine marinated beef. Basically, it's heaven in one pot. It may sound complicated but the hardest part is in chopping and prepping for an overnight marinade. The rest is just roasting for three hours and making a gravy from wine and beef drippings. Don't be overwhelmed. There are 44 steps in the original, but I've simplified this to the point of you needing a second bottle of wine to drink for the other 34 steps.

Boeuf Bourguingnon

• 3 lbs stewing beef or 1 roast cut into bite size chunks
• 1 bottle of full bodied red wine (Chianti, Burgandy, Pinot Noir, Bordeaux)
• 1 carton beef stock
• 1/2 c flour
• 1 large bag of carrots, cut into chunks
• 1 whole bag of celery, cut into chunks
• 1/2 bunch of parsley
• 12 sprigs of thyme
• 2 large yellow onions, chopped
• 3 bay leaves, 2 whole and 1 crushed
• bacon, cooked and crumbled with grease reserved
• 1/3 c butter
• fresh mushrooms, sliced (you can use as many mushrooms as you'd like)
• Salt, pepper, garlic to taste
• 6"x6" piece of cheesecloth plus a long strip of cheesecloth

1. Take a medium sized square of cheesecloth and place parsley, thyme and 2 whole bay leaves in center. Gather all corners together and tie with the strip of cloth. Congratulations, you've just made a bouquet garni.

2. In a large roasting pan or deep oven safe dish, mix together wine, broth, all vegetables EXCEPT mushrooms, crushed bay leaf, seasonings and bacon grease. Add in beef chunks and bouquet garni then cover and place in fridge to marinate overnight.

3. The next day preheat the oven to 350*F.

4. Fish out beef chunks and pat dry. Brown beef in large skillet. Immediately dredge in flour and place in the oven on a baking sheet for 5 minutes.

5. Return beef to wine marinade and vegetables. Mix well and place in oven for 3 hours. In the last 30 minutes stir in mushrooms.

6. Once finished, strain gravy through a colander into another pot.

7. Place meat and veggies back in oven with crumbled bacon mixed in.

8. Put the gravy pot over medium heat with 1 cup of water and bring to a boil while whisking. Reduce until gravy coats the back of spoon. If it does not thicken, add 1 tbs of corn starch to warm water in a jar with a lid, shake vigorously then pour into gravy.

9. Remove vegetables and beef from oven and either pour gravy over them and mix or control how much gravy you use by pouring it over each individual serving.

10. Serve on top of egg noodles or mashed potatoes.

Now that wasn't very hard, was it? That's what she said. 

Oh, c'mon! You were thinking it too.