My Von Trapp-like Escape from the Evil Baking Nazis and How I Lived to Share a Biscotti Recipe with the World

I don't have my camera with me today so the picture I'm providing for this week's recipe is from my Blackberry camera and is of horrible quality. Then again, who really reads this blog anyway? Most of our fans are on Facebook. Ha!

I've mentioned before that I absolutely hate baking. I do. It's too technical. I like things that you can add your own flair too and baking is just not one of those things. That being said, I'm addicted to making biscotti. I tried selling my biscotti (because it really is that good) but I live in a place where when I mentioned biscotti I got a "WTF is that?" kind of reaction to it. Also, I was banned from a Facebook baking group where people sold baked goods because they thought I was being racist on my page when I was making fun of my family's Mexicaness. Yeah, yeah, Zieg Hiel, baker Nazis.

No, I'm not bitter at all. I mean, a place where people are too lazy to make banana pudding with meringue instead of whipped cream is a place far too inferior for me and any of my lovelies. Right? Off topic, but while we're talking about toppings on desserts, can we please do something about fondant? It's gross and pretty inedible. It tastes like sugary dough. If you must mold something, use marzipan. It's so much better, you guys.

I really don't have much time to make a long post today since I am only borrowing the computer and my grandma needs help checking her email, my boyfriend needs to check his Facebook and my cousin needs to online game, so I'm going to just jump ahead and post the delicious Lemon-Almond Biscotti recipe. For those that don't know what biscotti is, it's a hard twice baked cookie used for dipping in coffee, tea, hot chocolate and even a nice dessert wine. Enjoy!

Lemon-Almond Biscotti

1/3 cup margarine (butter softened)

2/3 cup granulated sugar

2 tbsps lemon rind (grated fresh)

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/8 tsp salt

2 large eggs

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 cup slivered almond 

Preheat oven to 375*F.

Beat butter until light and fluffy.

Mix in all ingredients to butter except for flour and almonds.

Slowly stir in flour to mixture.

Add in almonds.

Roll into 9 inch logs.

Flatten slightly so that they look like loaves.

Bake for 20 minutes on nonstick baking sheet.

Remove from oven and cool for EXACTLY 1 hour. No exceptions.

After 1 hour, take a serrated knife and diagonally slice into 1/2 inch thick slices.

Place cut slice down on baking sheet and place bake in 375* oven for 8 minutes.

Flip slices over and bake for another 8-10 minutes.

Once cooled dip in lemon icing.

Lemon Icing

1 tsp lemon rind

1 C confectioner's sugar

2 TBS milk

Mix all together. Add more milk for a thinner glaze or more sugar for a thicker glaze. 

Why I've been MIA and the Cupcake Recipe You'll Want as a Main Dish

My lovelies, I  have missed talking to you. I was supposed to get my computer back last week, but problems came up and I honestly don't know when I'll be back online. Instead I'm having to go to my grandparents house and use their internet connection. This is backwards. Shouldn't my grandparents be coming to me for their technology problems and not the other way around? 

A lot has happened since we last spoke. For instance I've started baking. I've never really been much of a baker. This isn't because I can't bake, I just don't like being precise with my cooking. I hardly ever measure when I'm cooking. I think of cooking as an art and baking as a science. I hate science. I have, however discovered that I'm some sort of odd biscotti queen and I rock at making muffins from scratch. Another thing that happened is that my Facebook profile was banned for three weeks by a woman that found our Unwed Housewife Facebook page to be unfunny. Basically, the woman didn't find sarcasm and irony to be humorous, therefore she got her granny panties in a bunch and reported a picture in the group. Boo to you! Because of her reporting and my lack of an internet connection from which I could make an alternate profile and set it to admin, I was forced to leave the page and blog on a hiatus, but never fear. We're baaaaaaack, and I have a whole arsenal of foodie awesomeness awaiting.

I also have new addiction problem and I need help goal; to turn everything I can into a cupcake. It started off with meatloaf cupcakes which are essentially just meatballs covered in mashed potatoes. That left me wondering, if you can turn meatloaf into cupcakes, what other savory foods can be cupcakerized? I then Googled savory cupcakes and a Pandora's Box of savory cuteness was opened. My latest cupcake venture was a Taco Tuesday Twist on boring tacos. They were a huge hit and adorable at the same time. They were also incredibly simple to make.

Taco Cupcakes    makes 24

2 lbs ground beef

1 can refried beans

2 c Cheddar or Monterrey Jack cheese

12 oz package of Nasoya Wonton Wrappers

two packs of taco seasoning

sour cream, diced tomato, lettuce, green onion and assorted toppings

2- 12 count muffin tins

Preheat oven to 350*F.

Brown beef in a large skillet and follow directions on taco seasoning packet. Set aside

If preferred, heat beans in a separate pan. (Optional)

Place one sheet of wonton in a greased cupcake tin.

Place a dollop of beans on top of wonton followed by about a tbs of beef, a tsp of cheese, another  wonton wrapper, another tbs of beef and top it with another tsp of cheese.

Repeat in that order until both tins are full.

Place tins in oven for 20-30 minutes or until wrappers are crisp.

Top with a dollop of sour cream and your choice of taco toppings.

Serve with Spanish rice and beans,

It's Not Burned, It's Rustic

But If it Were Burned I Would Blame it on the Fire From My Burning Hatred for Your Annoying Facebook Posts

Like most people these days, I have a slight Facebook addiction. As a matter of fact, most of you are here because you're from my Facebook page. I'll post a recipe, I promise, but can we talk about annoying Facebook people first?

I have been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for nearly three years now. We live together, have been through things together, but we pulled through. Everything that real relationships should be. What Really makes me annoyed are the people that constantly post about their significant others and not in normal ways. In "I'm a virgin and quite possibly in middle school" ways.

"_______ is the cutest in the world." 

"<3 <3 <3 <3 My heart belongs to _____"

"_______, you're myyy world, babii."

What am I, 12? I thought being 25 would mean not having to read that sappy crap.Focus that energy on actually telling your partner how much they mean to you and grow some balls. 

Also, another annoying thing is when girlfriends hijack their boyfriends pages and post really clingy and annoying things. Ladies, that's not what Fraping is for. The proper lady knows that it's for posting pictures of your bf posing with J. Bieb t-shirts with captions about how he can't stop his Bieber fever, changing his favorite quotes to RuPaul quotes and joining groups announcing his love of black cock. Yes, there is a group for that. Yes, I have done all of the above.

Of course, after a Frape that bad it's always best to get back into the kitchen and make something other than the usual sandwich. Something hearty with meat and potatoes. Something like Shepherd's Pie. 

Nice segue, huh? 

Colcannon Topped Shepherd's Pie

Colcannon

• 8 medium russet potatoes, peeled and sliced
• half a head of cabbage
• 2 cloves garlic, peeled and minced
• 1 medium yellow onion, diced
• 1/2 c butter
• 1 c milk or cream
• salt and pepper to taste

Place potatoes in a large pot and cover with water. In a separate pot place the garlic, onion and cabbage, also covered in water. Let both boil until potatoes are fork tender and cabbage is soft.
Once boiled, drain potatoes and mash with butter and milk as if making mashed potatoes.

Drain the cabbage mixture and stir into the mashed potatoes.
Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Meat mixture

• 2 lbs ground beef
• 1 onion, diced
• 1 bell pepper, diced
• 1 bag of frozen mixed vegetables
• 1 (8 oz) can of tomato sauce
• 2 tbs Red Wine Vinegar
• 1/2 c Worcestershire sauce
• garlic powder, salt and pepper to taste
• 2 tbs olive oil
• 2 c shredded Cheddar

Saute bell pepper and onion in a large pan with olive oil until soft.

Set vegetables to the side and in the same pan brown ground beef.

Drain the grease and add in cooked onion and bell pepper along with the frozen veggies (I usually don't thaw them before hand.)

Mix in tomato sauce, Worcestershire sauce and red wine vinegar.

Heat until vegetables are no longer frozen.

Season with garlic powder, salt and pepper to taste. 

If mixture is too tangy feel free to add a little bit of sugar.
Pour meat mixture into a 9x13 inch baking dish.

Top with the colcannon recipe.

Top that with cheddar cheese.

Place under the broiler for about 5 minutes or until cheese is melted and bubbly. 

If by chance you leave it under the broiler for a little too long like I did, pretend you did it on purpose and call it rustic. They'll never even doubt you.