Why hello there. I've been expecting you.

This little tiny blog has exploded from 240 followers to over 2.5 thousand and I really want to take this time to thank you. You are all amazing and you make my heart happy. There's just oooooone little thing. I think I need to explain the blog and Facebook page.

I'm a 26 yr old tattooed, pierced, pink haired foodie. I live with my boyfriend of four years. I'm very traditional but modern at the same time and I love to cook. A lot.  It's gotten to the point where we hardly ever go to restaurants because I would rather cook at home. My other passion is writing. I'm a few courses away from a Journalism degree. Finances got in the way. Life happens. It's fine. Put those together and have you got? Bibbity Bobbity Boo This blog!

That's ME! In a bathroom. Not using it. Just making fishy faces.  That's normal, right?

Welcome. Take a seat. Try the cookies.

Now that my little bio is out of the way, I feel that it's important that i stress that this is also a humor blog. Nothing is supposed to be taken too seriously. I make fun of cheflebrities, shows, networks and life in general. I have the sense of humor of a 15 yr old boy sometimes and a sad internet addiction so expect sarcasm, cursing and memes. You can also expect awesome recipes.

So far I've only seen a few comments from people that thought this was going to be some sort of ode to Martha Stewart. The hell, guys? Seriously? No.

One thought that I was racist for supporting Paula Deen and being from Texas and another was mad because I was rude and called Sandra Dee a lush. Guys? Seriously. WTF, guys? I will post a few green smoothie recipes at a later date to help loosen that constipation.

I definitely encourage sharing recipes. I will post. Revised versions of my own recipes are definitely encouraged. The fresher, the better. I love budget meals that use fresh ingredients. I have a pretty strong aversion to pre-made stuff, but I do sometimes have makeover recipes for those kind of meals. Need help with a recipe? Ask me. I'll give pointers and post that other members can give their advice as well.

Other than that, the main rule is HAVE FUN! Post. Share. Like. Comment. Invite.

And now a recipe for what I made last night. My cheapy version of Chicken Marsala.

                        Chicken Marsala                   Feeds 2

2 boneless skinless chicken breasts, pounded or butterflied

2 C fresh sliced mushroom

1 medium yellow onion, sliced

1 C white wine (traditionally masala, but I used Pinot. Use whatever is on sale)

2 TBS cream cheese

salt, pepper, garlic to taste

1 tsp butter

2 TBS olive oil

Season chicken with s,p and g.

Heat olive oil in a large skillet and brown chicken on both sides. Do not scrub pan. See that brown goodness? That's flavor gold!

Place chicken in oven preheated to 350F until fully cooked.

Meanwhile, in the same pan, add butter and saute onion until almost soft.

Add in mushrooms and continue to saute until both onions and mushrooms are soft.
Stir in cream cheese until melted,

Add white wine and let boil.

Remove from heat. 

Serve sauce over chicken breast and brown rice.

Drink the rest of the wine. You deserve it.

Watch as people are amazed at how freakin' gourmet you are.

Me So Hungry. This Recipe No Take Long Time.

Is the title politically incorrect? You bet your midget ass it is!    _______________________________________________________________________________________

One of the sad truths of living during a recession is that you have to give up on the little things. One of the things that I miss most is Chinese take out. I also lived in Idaho for a year and while nothing compares to seeing the Maples turn red in fall, the crisp fresh air, the amazing snow topped mountains or late night snow ball fights; one thing they didn't have was decent Chinese food. We searched high and low for a place where we could get crisp General Tso Chicken that wasn't served with the sauce on the side or Beef and Broccoli that didn't look like soup and had flavor. Another thing that was hard to find were good egg rolls. Instead of giving up, I took this as a challenge. A challenge that I quickly accepted.

I searched for the perfect recipe and finally found one that didn't completely suck. I had no idea how simple it was to make egg rolls. The only thing that made them so tedious was the rolling part. If you've read my Chicken Cordon Bleu recipe you know how much I hate unnecessary rolling of things and always look for a way to make it easier and save time.

My friend Brandy is a Tupperware salesperson and before I left to Idaho we threw a Tupperware party. During that party I acquired this awesome little Empanada maker. I have made so many things with this one little contraption. Everything from fruit pies to chicken pot pies and homemade hot pockets. This inspired me to take everything from egg rolls and make a hybrid of a Fried Wanton, Egg Roll and a classic Empanada.

This may sound like an infomercial, but my favorite part about this gadget is that since it's Tupperware, it has a lifetime warranty which means I'll always have an Empanada maker no matter what. I wouldn't recommend filling them with baby poop like the one in the picture though.

I came up with this: A delicious little pocket of Egg Roll deliciousness with all of the flavor and none of the hassle. Plus, any chance I get to use new, fun products is always good. By request from the family, we served this with Cilantro Lime Rice but you could substitute that with Fried Rice or Lo Mein  or just eat these by themselves.

Extra Large Fried Wantons or Lazy Egg Roll Empanadas

• 16 oz pack of Nasoya Egg Roll Wrappers
• 16 oz bag of coleslaw mix
• 2 lbs ground pork or chicken
• 1 large onion, diced
• 2 tsp ground ginger
• 1 tsp black pepper
• 1 tsp sugar
• 1/4 c Oyster Sauce
• 1/4 c Soy Sauce
• 4 c oil in a small sauce pan

Brown chicken or pork in a large skillet with onion, pepper and ginger.

Remove from heat and transfer to a large bowl.

Add in package of coleslaw mix.

Stir in sugar, soy sauce and oyster sauce.

*For those with an empanada maker: Use bottom of gadget to cut a circle into one egg roll wrapper. Place circular wrapper on top, fill with 2 tbs of cabbage and meat mixture, wet edges with water and fold gadget closed. Repeat with remaining wrappers.

*For those without an empanada maker: Use a bowl to cut out a circle into one egg roll wrapper. Place wrapper flat and fill with 2 tbs of cabbage and meat mixture, wet edges with water and pinch closed. Use a fork around edges to make a design and ensure that all edges are closed properly. Repeat with remaining wrappers.

Heat oil in a small sauce pan and, one at a time, place the pockets into the oil. 

Fry until golden brown and bubbly.

Tackling Taco Tuesday for non-Traditional Types with Tilapia. Teehee!

As many of you that follow this blog on Facebook via our page (shameless self promoting alert: http://www.facebook.com/TheUnwedHousewife) know, I have been without internet for awhile which meant that I had to go on a brief hiatus from blogging. This was incredibly inconvenient seeing as how I had just started this blog and had to stop after just a few posts. Thankfully, the internet is back on for at least another month `and now all I have to do is battle a computer hogging YouTube addicted 17 year old sister that is on Summer vacation for control over the internet. Ermahgerd!

The one thing that is good about this is that although I put a pause on blogging, I still went ahead and photographed a lot of the meals I made. I know have a small arsenal of already edited and ready for posting pictures. One of my favorite meals are Fish Tacos and since Tuesday is Taco Tuesday, today is the perfect time to share that. It's a yummy twist on boring, traditional ground meat, cheese, lettuce and tomato tacos and they are so much healthier.

For those that don't mind music with crude lyrics, this song is constantly in my head when I talk about fish tacos. :/ Ha! Betty Blowtorch- Fish Taco Whore

Fish Tacos w/ Mango Salsa

• about 5-10 Tilapia fillets 
• 1 large red onion, chopped
• 1 bundle of cilantro, chopped
• 2 mangos, peeled and diced
• 2 roma tomatoes, diced
• 2 cloves of garlic, mined
• 1 jalapeno, minced
• coleslaw mix (carrot and cabbage, shredded)
• 1 tortilla per fillet

Pat Tilapia fillets dry and season with salt and pepper. Place fillets on a greased, heated indoor grill and grill until fish is no longer opaque.
In a large bowl combine all ingredients except for fish, tortillas and coleslaw mix. Stir in salt to taste.

Heat tortillas and place fillets inside. 

Top with coleslaw mix and then top that with the mango salsa.

This recipe is excellent when served with Black Bean Salsa and Cilantro Lime Rice

Black Bean Salsa

• 1 can black beans
• 1 package frozen corn
• 1 large can of rotel
• 1/2 bundle cilantro, chopped
• 1 tsp cumin
• 3 tsp chili powder

Combine all ingredients in a medium saucepan. Heat and serve. Also goes fantastic spooned on top of Fish Tacos.

Cilantro Lime Rice

• 2 cups uncooked white rice
• 1/2 bundle of cilantro, chopped
• juice of 2 limes
• 3 teaspoons of chicken bullion powder

Follow directions on package of rice. Add in all of the other ingredients while boiling. Serve when water is completely evaporated. 

Proving that Sour Grapes are Not Always Hard to Swallow

Another delicious Summertime treat on a hot Summer day are nice, cold and refreshing Sour Patch Grapes. Like a Sour Patch Kid, these grapes are sweet and sour. There are a lot of recipes on the internet for this recipe, but we added something to make them extra sour and not just sweet like the other recipes. My boyfriend is a huge fan of sour candy so he had to try this. Considering that it's basically grapes and Jello, this is also an excellent alternative to candy, a great way to cool down on a hot day and a fantastic way to incorporate more fruits into diets. I'm not a fan of sour candy, and I loved these. Now to figure out a way to make these alcoholic. 

Sour Patch Grapes Done Right

• 1 package green grapes
• 8 oz package Lime Jello (unprepared)
• juice of 3 lemons

Rinse grapes in a colander.

Place into a bowl with the lemon juice and toss around. Let sit for a few minutes and continue coating them in the lemon juice.

Empty contents of the lime jello into a Ziploc bag.

Strain excess lemon juice from grapes, but be sure they are still saturated. 

Place all grapes into the Ziploc with the jello powder and shake.

Put into a bowl, bag, or plate and chill in the fridge for about 30 minutes or until powder has hardened a bit and looks like little crystals. 

Try not to eat them all.

Summertime Treats- Chorizo Burgers

Summertime is almost here. I'm not to happy about that. My favorite part about summertime is staying inside with the air condition around the 60's. It's the reason why I live on the gulf and still manage to stay incredibly pale. I'd much rather be indoors having fun than in the heat being eaten alive by mosquitoes like they're some sort of salt bath crazed homeless man. I'm from Texas so I can't even say that barbecues are my favorite part. We do that all year. It's not even uncommon to walk outside on Thanksgiving and smell the scent of mesquite smoked chicken and fajitas grilling over the barbecue pit.


I do like cooking seasonally though. This weekend my boyfriend made us all some delicious gourmet chorizo burgers. They were spicy and words can't even describe how yummy they were. He cooked these on an indoor George Foreman grill, but we have cooked these over a barbecue pit before and it's even more delicious.

Chorizo Burgers 

• 8 oz Mexican chorizo 
• 1 lb ground beef
• 2 eggs
• 3 tbs McCormick Grill Mates Hamburger Seasoning
• hamburger buns
• cheddar or pepper jack cheese
• lettuce, tomato, avocado, sliced onions

Mix the chorizo, beef , eggs and seasoning together in a large bowl then form into about 8 oz patties.

Place over heated grill and grill until cooked all they way, which should be about 4-5 minutes per side.
Once done, place patties on a baking sheet and put cheese on top.

To help melt the cheese put them into an oven preheated to 350 degrees Fahrenheit for about 1-2 minutes or until chesse is fully melted.

Place on buns and top with your choice of chopped veggies. 

Dinner Challenge!

A few weeks ago I had a friend of mine post two recipes, an entree and a side dish, and I had to cook them and post pictures. At the time I was living with someone that did not like onions or mushrooms. That made it even more challenging for my friend to find a recipe for me. In the end she came up with Jamie Oliver's Chicken in Milk and a recipe for Potato, Spinach and Red Bell Pepper Salad with Warm Bacon Vinaigrette. I was happy about the warm potato salad but I was a bit apprehensive when it came to chicken in milk. It just didn't sound appetizing. I accepted the challenge anyway and I'm so glad I did. I made a few alterations to the recipes to suit my tastes such as adding 5 strips of bacon to the salad instead of the suggested one, and I used chicken breasts instead of a roasting chicken in the chicken in milk recipe.

I was so surprised to taste how amazingly flavorful the chicken in milk was. It was tender and lemony and the perfect springtime meal. I have made it three times since. The potato salad was sweet, salty, tangy and bacony. I even made it for Mother's Day.

Why does this matter? Because I want to do this again. I need everyone to suggest recipes for me and on the 1st and 15th of each month I will pick one entree and one or two entrees to cook, feature on this blog and on the Facebook page along with your name, pictures of the meal and the recipes.

• Recipes can be from other sites, cookbooks, family recipes, concoctions you've made, whatever! 
• I enjoy making both easy and complicated dishes. Overnight recipes are welcome too. 
• I enjoy food from different cultures. I'm very familiar with Italian, French, Indian, Chinese, Mexican and Spanish cuisine.
• Vegetarian dishes are welcome too.
• Diet friendly recipes are even okay. Low calorie, fat free, diabetic, gluten free; all fine.
• My family does not have any restrictions on what they won't eat. Onions, veggies, all proteins, etc. They're all welcome.
• Desserts are fine too.
• Keep in mind that I live by the Gulf so fresh seafood is easy to come by.
•  All I ask is that they at least be somewhat budget friendly. Meaning I can't make dishes featuring white truffles, but I can probably make something featuring Portobellos.

I can't wait to try some of the things you guys dare me to make. 

Chicken in Milk on a bed of fresh spinach with a side of Potato, Spinach and Red Bell Pepper Salad with Warm Bacon Vinaigrette

It's Not Burned, It's Rustic

But If it Were Burned I Would Blame it on the Fire From My Burning Hatred for Your Annoying Facebook Posts

Like most people these days, I have a slight Facebook addiction. As a matter of fact, most of you are here because you're from my Facebook page. I'll post a recipe, I promise, but can we talk about annoying Facebook people first?

I have been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for nearly three years now. We live together, have been through things together, but we pulled through. Everything that real relationships should be. What Really makes me annoyed are the people that constantly post about their significant others and not in normal ways. In "I'm a virgin and quite possibly in middle school" ways.

"_______ is the cutest in the world." 

"<3 <3 <3 <3 My heart belongs to _____"

"_______, you're myyy world, babii."

What am I, 12? I thought being 25 would mean not having to read that sappy crap.Focus that energy on actually telling your partner how much they mean to you and grow some balls. 

Also, another annoying thing is when girlfriends hijack their boyfriends pages and post really clingy and annoying things. Ladies, that's not what Fraping is for. The proper lady knows that it's for posting pictures of your bf posing with J. Bieb t-shirts with captions about how he can't stop his Bieber fever, changing his favorite quotes to RuPaul quotes and joining groups announcing his love of black cock. Yes, there is a group for that. Yes, I have done all of the above.

Of course, after a Frape that bad it's always best to get back into the kitchen and make something other than the usual sandwich. Something hearty with meat and potatoes. Something like Shepherd's Pie. 

Nice segue, huh? 

Colcannon Topped Shepherd's Pie

Colcannon

• 8 medium russet potatoes, peeled and sliced
• half a head of cabbage
• 2 cloves garlic, peeled and minced
• 1 medium yellow onion, diced
• 1/2 c butter
• 1 c milk or cream
• salt and pepper to taste

Place potatoes in a large pot and cover with water. In a separate pot place the garlic, onion and cabbage, also covered in water. Let both boil until potatoes are fork tender and cabbage is soft.
Once boiled, drain potatoes and mash with butter and milk as if making mashed potatoes.

Drain the cabbage mixture and stir into the mashed potatoes.
Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Meat mixture

• 2 lbs ground beef
• 1 onion, diced
• 1 bell pepper, diced
• 1 bag of frozen mixed vegetables
• 1 (8 oz) can of tomato sauce
• 2 tbs Red Wine Vinegar
• 1/2 c Worcestershire sauce
• garlic powder, salt and pepper to taste
• 2 tbs olive oil
• 2 c shredded Cheddar

Saute bell pepper and onion in a large pan with olive oil until soft.

Set vegetables to the side and in the same pan brown ground beef.

Drain the grease and add in cooked onion and bell pepper along with the frozen veggies (I usually don't thaw them before hand.)

Mix in tomato sauce, Worcestershire sauce and red wine vinegar.

Heat until vegetables are no longer frozen.

Season with garlic powder, salt and pepper to taste. 

If mixture is too tangy feel free to add a little bit of sugar.
Pour meat mixture into a 9x13 inch baking dish.

Top with the colcannon recipe.

Top that with cheddar cheese.

Place under the broiler for about 5 minutes or until cheese is melted and bubbly. 

If by chance you leave it under the broiler for a little too long like I did, pretend you did it on purpose and call it rustic. They'll never even doubt you.