Why hello there. I've been expecting you.

This little tiny blog has exploded from 240 followers to over 2.5 thousand and I really want to take this time to thank you. You are all amazing and you make my heart happy. There's just oooooone little thing. I think I need to explain the blog and Facebook page.

I'm a 26 yr old tattooed, pierced, pink haired foodie. I live with my boyfriend of four years. I'm very traditional but modern at the same time and I love to cook. A lot.  It's gotten to the point where we hardly ever go to restaurants because I would rather cook at home. My other passion is writing. I'm a few courses away from a Journalism degree. Finances got in the way. Life happens. It's fine. Put those together and have you got? Bibbity Bobbity Boo This blog!

That's ME! In a bathroom. Not using it. Just making fishy faces.  That's normal, right?

Welcome. Take a seat. Try the cookies.

Now that my little bio is out of the way, I feel that it's important that i stress that this is also a humor blog. Nothing is supposed to be taken too seriously. I make fun of cheflebrities, shows, networks and life in general. I have the sense of humor of a 15 yr old boy sometimes and a sad internet addiction so expect sarcasm, cursing and memes. You can also expect awesome recipes.

So far I've only seen a few comments from people that thought this was going to be some sort of ode to Martha Stewart. The hell, guys? Seriously? No.

One thought that I was racist for supporting Paula Deen and being from Texas and another was mad because I was rude and called Sandra Dee a lush. Guys? Seriously. WTF, guys? I will post a few green smoothie recipes at a later date to help loosen that constipation.

I definitely encourage sharing recipes. I will post. Revised versions of my own recipes are definitely encouraged. The fresher, the better. I love budget meals that use fresh ingredients. I have a pretty strong aversion to pre-made stuff, but I do sometimes have makeover recipes for those kind of meals. Need help with a recipe? Ask me. I'll give pointers and post that other members can give their advice as well.

Other than that, the main rule is HAVE FUN! Post. Share. Like. Comment. Invite.

And now a recipe for what I made last night. My cheapy version of Chicken Marsala.

                        Chicken Marsala                   Feeds 2

2 boneless skinless chicken breasts, pounded or butterflied

2 C fresh sliced mushroom

1 medium yellow onion, sliced

1 C white wine (traditionally masala, but I used Pinot. Use whatever is on sale)

2 TBS cream cheese

salt, pepper, garlic to taste

1 tsp butter

2 TBS olive oil

Season chicken with s,p and g.

Heat olive oil in a large skillet and brown chicken on both sides. Do not scrub pan. See that brown goodness? That's flavor gold!

Place chicken in oven preheated to 350F until fully cooked.

Meanwhile, in the same pan, add butter and saute onion until almost soft.

Add in mushrooms and continue to saute until both onions and mushrooms are soft.
Stir in cream cheese until melted,

Add white wine and let boil.

Remove from heat. 

Serve sauce over chicken breast and brown rice.

Drink the rest of the wine. You deserve it.

Watch as people are amazed at how freakin' gourmet you are.

I Believe I Can (stir) Fry

It finally happened. The Unwed Husband and I finally moved into our own place. It was an extremely long process. We started off in our own place in my hometown in Texas, moved to Idaho, came back a year later and worked our way back to the top. Now we're here and it's been awesome. It seems that I started my culinary ventures backwards though. For the past two or three years I've been cooking for families. Now I'm finding it hard to cook portions for two people. All that means is leftovers though. Nobody is really complaining. 

That being said it's time for me to get back into what I was trying to do in the beginning. I really need to keep this blog up and running. It's pretty ridiculous that I've left it abandoned. That's not cool at all. Maybe, if I had more comments and shares, (old school MySpace like-whore say what? JOIN MY LIKE TRAIN EL OH EL!) I'd have an incentive to write more. Ahem.. 

Just kidding, lovelies. It's honestly 100% my fault. I've been busy and lazy and sometimes I honestly just forgot. My apologies.

Now it's that part of the blog post after the apology where I act like a parent that neglects their children and I lavish you with gifts in the form of culinary knowledge. Usually these gifts include either chocolatey pieces of Heaven or cheesy comfort foods that will put you in a euphoric haze that will make you forget alllll about how crappy I am at keeping up with the whole blogging thing. Well, not this time. See, lately I've been on a bit of a health kick and my meals have become a lot healthier. So, this time, I'm going to act like a real parent and I'm serving you veggies and healthy protein with seafood. An Asian fusion, and you're going to like it, or else I promise. 

The dish I'm going to provide you with is inspired by local Chinese buffets. (Buffet? Healthy? Yeah. I know. Shut it. Nobody asked you.) I've lived in various places all over America and I've only found this in my hometown. I'm sure it has to do with the strong Latin American influences and the access to fresh shrimp daily. I really don't know. All I know is that it's freakin' delicious and I've mastered the art of making it. Right down to the shredded Iceberg Lettuce. Yes, Iceberg Lettuce. I have tried Bok Choy, regular cabbage and even endive. It calls for wilted Iceberg. Don't judge until you've tried it. And now, here is the moment you've all been waiting for, especially you, Evalinda.

Drum roll please... padadadadadadadadada

Jalapeno Chicken and Shrimp

                                    serves: 4

2 carrots sliced

2 chicken breasts chopped into 1/2 in pieces

1 lb raw shrimp, shelled and deveined

1 jalapeno, sliced

1 onion, chopped in large pieces for texture

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 tsp salt

1 tsp pepper

2 tbs oil

1 C shredded iceberg lettuce

Heat oil in wok or large pan.

Once hot, add in carrots, onion and garlic. Cook until onion is almost translucent.

Add in chicken, jalapeno and all seasonings. Stir continuously and cook until chicken is no longer raw.

Add in shrimp, continuing to stir until shrimp is completely opaque (about 2-3 minutes) and be careful not to over cook it.

Remove from heat and stir in iceberg lettuce. Cover and let the lettuce wilt.

Serve over steamed white or Basmati rice.

Chicken Cordon Casserole and my secret Love/Hate Relationship with the French

Before I start this I'm going to say it before anyone else does. Yes, I know. Chicken Cordon Casserole translates to Casserole Ribbon Chicken. I'm from 'Merica. I doubt that the translation of the title will offend any French. Mainly because they're probably too busy not shaving their armpits, waving white flags, being snobs and smoking their cigarettes in odd ways to even care. I hate secretly want to be am envious of  am not partial to the French, but I love their cuisine, music, style, architecture and culture.

"Doesn't that mean you adore them," you might ask.

To which I'd reply, "Shut your whore mouth." Then run off into the distance crying loudly and flailing my arms.

What most people don't realize is that while Chicken Cordon Bleu sounds French, it isn't French at all. It's about as American as inventing a dish in 1967 and giving it a French name to make it sound fancy. Which is exactly what it is.

Oh no! You thought that those little Chicken Cordon Bleu sandwiches you find under heat lamps in convenience stores or those little bite sized morsels that are in the frozen food section were French food? You thought you were being fancy and sophisticated? You thought that it meant you had a taste for international fair?

Well you, my friend, are an idiot wrong. I still love you though.

Don't worry. While the dish may not be French, it is freakin' delcious. Who doesn't want ham and cheese wrapped in a flattened chicken breast then breaded and fried? (lol! You thought that was French.) All I know is that it is amazingly delicious, but rolling it up and frying it is so tedious and time consuming. 

We've already established that I'm 'Merican. If there is one thing the good ole U.S of A believes in, it's convenience.  I love convenience about as much as a French person loves avante garde films about nothing. I've seen  those films and I'm assuming that's a lot.

My love for convenience caused me to look for a more convenient Cordon Bleu recipe. I found a few for casseroles and a few for basically just throwing stuff on top of a piece of chicken. I pieced together pieces from those recipes and came up with this delicious, easier and slightly more healthy recipe.

Chicken Cordon Bleu Casserole  

• 5 boneless skinless chicken breasts cut into 1 inch bite sized pieces
• 2 eggs
• 1/2 c milk
• 2 c Italian breadcrumbs
• 8 slices of smoked ham
• 2 c Swiss cheese (I'm not a fan of Swiss so I've used Monterrey and Mozzarella before)
• 4 c cooked white rice
• 1 large can cream of mushroom soup with 1 c milk whisked in
• salt, pepper, garlic to taste
• cooking spray

Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.

Whisk together the eggs and milk. 

Dredge the chicken pieces in the mixture.

Place the breadcrumbs in a sealable bag or large bowl.

Place dredged pieces in breadcrumbs and coat completely.

Place pieces on a cooking spray coated baking sheet in a single layer.

Spray cooking spray over pieces to ensure even browning.

Bake for about 30 minutes or until pieces are golden brown and cooked thoroughly.

While chicken is baking, mix the cream of mushroom in with the white rice, reserving about 1 cup of soup.

Season mixture with salt, pepper and garlic to taste.

Spoon the soup and rice mixture into a baking dish evenly.

Place the ham on top of the rice in a single layer making sure to overlap some of the slices.

Spoon remaining soup over ham.

Put all of the baked chicken pieces on top.

Top with all of the cheese.

Place under the broiler until cheese on top is melted and bubbly. (about 4-5 minutes)

Serve alone or with a side salad.

 

Sidenote: I really hope that Edith Piaf is playing while you're reading this.