Beating Eggs into Submission Christian Grey Style in The Red Room of Pain. Pain Meaning the French Word for Bread, Obviously.

Well, things have been hectic lately and while I have been posting to the Facebook page, I hate that I don't have computer access to post on the blog more often. I start my new job on Monday so fingers crossed that this will be taken care of soon.

On another note, I've been reading more. Since I'm all about literacy and grammar, I figured I should get back into doing that. This week I put aside a Mitch Albom book to delve into the world of Mommy porn. Yes, that's right- I'm reading "Fifty Shades of Grey." This book mostly makes me sad. It has nothing to do with the material and a lot to do with the fact that women think this is cutting edge. Maybe my generation is just over sexed or I'm some sort of harlot, but I thought everyone was familiar with this kind of stuff. Ha! Vanillas. This book is a lot less BDSM and a lot more internet geek that watched way too much "Secretary." All in all, if you found this book and it's sex scenes to be shocking, never read a Brett Easton Ellis book. You will die of a heart attack. In "American Psycho" for instance there are sex scenes involving severed heads, starving rats and pieces of cheese. It's nothing for the faint of heart, that's for sure.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm actually enjoying "50 Shades," but for the plot, not for the horribly written sex scenes. I did, however, laugh and have to read aloud the part where Christian licks her belly button and "elongates" her nipples. Elongates? Like silly putty? Like he's going to start swinging them around while a midget comes out from under the bed and double dutches with him? Awkward.

Speaking of midgets- Asians are usually very short. Yeah, that really doesn't fit into what I'm talking about, but I'm really not sure how to segue from talking about the book to talking about the amazingly delicious Wonton Cupcakes that I made. Yes, I'm still obsessed with turning things into cupcakes. It's a delicious obsession really. This recipe takes a wonton and tops it with sour cream and teriyaki sauce.

Wonton Cupcakes                        makes about a dozen 1/2

                  

• 16 oz pack of Nasoya Egg Roll Wrappers
• 16 oz bag of coleslaw mix
• 2 lbs ground pork or chicken
• 1 large onion, diced
• 2 tsp ground ginger
• 1 tsp black pepper
• 1 tsp sugar
• 1/4 c Oyster Sauce
• 1/4 c Soy Sauce

Preheat oven to 375*F
Brown chicken or pork in a large skillet with onion, pepper and ginger.

Remove from heat and transfer to a large bowl.

Add in package of coleslaw mix.

Stir in sugar, soy sauce and oyster sauce.
Place one sheet of  wonton in each compartment of a non stick or greased muffin tin.
Put about a TBS of filling on top of wonton and cover it with another sheet, being sure to tuck the sheet in.
Bake for about 20 minutes or until golden brown and hardened.
Top with a dollop of "frosting," green onions and serve with fried rice.

Wonton Cupcake Frosting 

• 1 C sour cream
• 2 tsp teriyaki sauce 
• 1 tsp soy sauce  

 Mix together and serve dollop on top of each wonton cupcake.

Me So Hungry. This Recipe No Take Long Time.

Is the title politically incorrect? You bet your midget ass it is!    _______________________________________________________________________________________

One of the sad truths of living during a recession is that you have to give up on the little things. One of the things that I miss most is Chinese take out. I also lived in Idaho for a year and while nothing compares to seeing the Maples turn red in fall, the crisp fresh air, the amazing snow topped mountains or late night snow ball fights; one thing they didn't have was decent Chinese food. We searched high and low for a place where we could get crisp General Tso Chicken that wasn't served with the sauce on the side or Beef and Broccoli that didn't look like soup and had flavor. Another thing that was hard to find were good egg rolls. Instead of giving up, I took this as a challenge. A challenge that I quickly accepted.

I searched for the perfect recipe and finally found one that didn't completely suck. I had no idea how simple it was to make egg rolls. The only thing that made them so tedious was the rolling part. If you've read my Chicken Cordon Bleu recipe you know how much I hate unnecessary rolling of things and always look for a way to make it easier and save time.

My friend Brandy is a Tupperware salesperson and before I left to Idaho we threw a Tupperware party. During that party I acquired this awesome little Empanada maker. I have made so many things with this one little contraption. Everything from fruit pies to chicken pot pies and homemade hot pockets. This inspired me to take everything from egg rolls and make a hybrid of a Fried Wanton, Egg Roll and a classic Empanada.

This may sound like an infomercial, but my favorite part about this gadget is that since it's Tupperware, it has a lifetime warranty which means I'll always have an Empanada maker no matter what. I wouldn't recommend filling them with baby poop like the one in the picture though.

I came up with this: A delicious little pocket of Egg Roll deliciousness with all of the flavor and none of the hassle. Plus, any chance I get to use new, fun products is always good. By request from the family, we served this with Cilantro Lime Rice but you could substitute that with Fried Rice or Lo Mein  or just eat these by themselves.

Extra Large Fried Wantons or Lazy Egg Roll Empanadas

• 16 oz pack of Nasoya Egg Roll Wrappers
• 16 oz bag of coleslaw mix
• 2 lbs ground pork or chicken
• 1 large onion, diced
• 2 tsp ground ginger
• 1 tsp black pepper
• 1 tsp sugar
• 1/4 c Oyster Sauce
• 1/4 c Soy Sauce
• 4 c oil in a small sauce pan

Brown chicken or pork in a large skillet with onion, pepper and ginger.

Remove from heat and transfer to a large bowl.

Add in package of coleslaw mix.

Stir in sugar, soy sauce and oyster sauce.

*For those with an empanada maker: Use bottom of gadget to cut a circle into one egg roll wrapper. Place circular wrapper on top, fill with 2 tbs of cabbage and meat mixture, wet edges with water and fold gadget closed. Repeat with remaining wrappers.

*For those without an empanada maker: Use a bowl to cut out a circle into one egg roll wrapper. Place wrapper flat and fill with 2 tbs of cabbage and meat mixture, wet edges with water and pinch closed. Use a fork around edges to make a design and ensure that all edges are closed properly. Repeat with remaining wrappers.

Heat oil in a small sauce pan and, one at a time, place the pockets into the oil. 

Fry until golden brown and bubbly.